Q: The pregnant woman appears to be eating quite a lot. When should I stop her?
A: When she starts eating your vital organs, you may suggest something else instead.
Q: When can I tell a pregnant woman that she's gaining too much weight?
A: When you have a death wish.
Q: If I'm out and I see a woman who I think is pregnant, what should I do?
A: If you don't see a baby coming out of her, keep your mouth shut.
Q: When is it appropriate to touch a pregnant woman's belly?
A: Unless you're her OB/GYN or her husband, only if you're invited to.
Q: Why do pregnant women glow?
A: It's called sweat. The little person inside of them functions as a heater.
Q: What should I do if my pregnant wife wants the house cooled below freezing?
A: Buy yourself an extra blanket. Or take hers. She likely won't notice.
Q: But won't that cost a lot in electricity?
A: You're about to have a kid. Electricity is nothing compared to a college education.
Q: My pregnant wife is crying. Why?
A: While it's probably somehow your fault, a pint of Ben & Jerry's might help.