Sunday, October 26, 2008

Shrouds

Curtains are supposed to be bright, cheery. They're supposed to accent a room. They're supposed to be thin enough to let the light in and thick enough to provide a measure of privacy. Not these. These are beige, thick. They are only to block the world's eyes out. They must be kept closed at all times, lest the unsuspecting world see my hair, my elbows, the distant image of my unclad legs.

They feel like they lock me in to a world too hot and stuffy to be lived in.

When I go out, the skirts bind my legs together, rubbing skin against skin until it is raw and wants to bleed. They prevent me from sitting comfortably. They make me feel that I have to be hidden. That somehow, I am so unholy that I must be kept away from the light of day.

My hair, too. is shrouded. It too, is wild and evil, and must be reined in. Heaven forbid anyone should see the stray wisps of hair. No, Push it forward. Forward. More. Better yet, cover it all, cover your face. Stay inside and never be seen. Wilt away in the darkness. A king's daughter's only honor is inside.

5 comments:

frumhouse said...

Wow. This is a painful post. How are you?

I sometimes feel more shrouded/enclosed by societal niceties and norms than by my clothing-although I suppose both can play a role.

Are you dressing for yourself or for others? This can play a role in your attitude towards tznius too.

Keep up the good fight!

Commenter Abbi said...

:(.

There are different levels of hair covering. You have to do what you're comfortable with. I wear a beret and a short bob haircut, with a few inches showing around my face.

Also, maybe you need some new clothing? Some comfy stretchy a-line skirts? Maybe you can find some cloth you like and have a few made? You have to feel comfortable and feel good about yourself.

Leora said...

I didn't quite know what to say to your post last night. Sounds poetic, like you can't outright say something?

Mother in Israel just linked to you, so I came back.

Ira said...

I've got nothing helpful to say other than to offer you a big virtual hug, as it's been over 3 years since I could give you a real one... :(

Ben-Yehudah said...

B"H

One of the pleasant surprises I received in Israel was the standard of trisim. I'm locked away in my room a lot, and it feels like a cave.

My kitchen window has a big fig tree in front of it. I can see out, but no one can see in.

Unless you're also a Virgo, this comment must seem a bit off topic, but....