Curiousity Gagged the Cat

I was in a shop recently when I saw a product called Sappe. It's a drink which is kind of in the flavored-water category. That is, less sweet than juice and with no color. What's unique about Sappe is that it has cubes of aloe vera in it. I asked the shopkeeper whether he'd gotten any feedback on this new and interesting drink, which comes in a very appealing bottle. He said it's wonderful. So I shelled out my eight shekels (a bit over $2 for those of you keeping score in the US), and bought this drink. The apple-water part was fine, though not as good as the Neviot plus Apple water that I love. Then I got my first aloe vera cube.

Let me tell you folks. Aloe vera is great for cuts and scrapes. It moistens the skin. It's fantastic for burns and sunburns. It tastes TERRIBLE! When I looked up the supposed benefits, the only one that is confirmed is that it's a mild laxative... Nobody mentioned that it could also be an emetic... ugh!

However, curiosity remains rampant in the little walnut that passes for my brain. A while ago, I had blood work that showed that my body hasn't fully replenished the iron supply since K was born, so a doctor recommended that I go back to taking an iron-folic acid supplement.

The one that my kuppa (health fund) produces and promotes is called folliferrin and comes in gelcaps.

You guessed it. I had to bite in and taste it. UGH! It tasted like very concentrated RUST (which may be what it is). It actually made me throw up. I'm not the type to be put off by anything, but this was... oh boy... big mistake. EWWWWW. I have learned my lesson.

Now I just want to find out what happens when I lick the pump handle on a snowy day...

There's no Place Like Home... Which is Where I Am

So I'm back home already.

That's the good news. Now for the less good news.

They didn't do *ANYTHING*. I mean, they took my blood pressure and temp, and they drew some blood and ran some tests, but they didn't do anything I haven't had done in the past ten days.

They did recommend maronil, a medication from the tricyclic antidepressant group - which is the same group as the pamelor that Ladyhawke mentioned in my last post's comments. The less nifty part of that is that there's no guarantee it'll work, and it will take at least a week before I could possibly feel any improvement.

I went back to my doctor this evening (after spending 6 hours in the E.R. at Ein Kerem, most of which were spent waiting for the neurologist.) and he is looking into finding me a good neurologist that I can see on my health plan. Unfortunately, it'll probably be someone in Jerusalem, but at least it'll be someone... The neuro here in Modiin is a disaster!!!!

So in the meantime, I'm back on the paracetamol/codeine/caffeine medication and waiting again for the doctor to call...

Prayers are really welcome.
Leah Gavriela Bat Raizel Chaya

Heading 'em Off...

see edit at the bottom:

It appears that I will be checking into a hospital tomorrow morning.

I'm waiting to hear from my doctor to find out which hospital he recommends.

I'm guessing most likely Shaarei Tzedek, but not sure at this point.

If you want to be in touch, you can call my cell-phone. If you don't have the number, ask my mom over at drsavta. I will probably be offline until I get home :(

prayers are welcome - Leah Gavriela bat Raizel Chaya

edit: I am adding my sister and a friend to those authorized to blog, so if there's news, one of them will post. I also unmoderated comments (please no spam!) so ya'll can post comments while I'm away.

thanks,
t.c.

Off the Top of My Head

Edit: The doctor never called :(

Hi Folks,
Thanks for all the good wishes.

Today, I went to the doctor (my primary care physician), and he gave me percocet. Guess what? My head still hurts.

I went to the gym, mostly b/c it gives me a way to put Kinneret into someone else's hands for an hour or so. The babysitting service there seems nice enough.

I was about to change into my gym clothes when my mom's friend came in. I know her pretty well, b/c she runs my book club, and because her dog Pushkin is friends with my dog Poofy. Anyway, she asked me how I am, and I burst out crying.

I went swimming - did 50 lengths, 1.25 Kilometers. (a mile is 1.6)

Felt reasonable most of the way home, and then the pain came back
Fortunately, K slept for almost 2 hours when we got home. Then she got up and screamed for a while. I gave her a bath, dressed her, and then she screamed some more. I couldn't calm her down in any way and I didn't have it in me to pack her in my wrap and go for a walk (which would have calmed her).

Then Yaakov came home & got her to sleep. And now I'm waiting for the doctor to call...

So here's the story about my head:
1. Hormones - I'm not on hormonal b.c. at the moment, b/c it's always a prime suspect. If I get pregnant, it's the fault of everyone who mentioned problems with hormonal birth control!

2. Acupuncture - I had one treatment which seemed to help. Unfortunately, Yaakov doesn't really believe in it, so he's not keen on it. More unfortunately, 8 treatments (which is about the minimum I could imagine needing in the next while) would cost us more than a month's rent. We simply can't afford it.

3. Ezra Lamarpe - I will give them a call. Thanks for the suggestion.

Meantime, a friend invited us for a special meal in which everyone makes the blessings out loud and everyone says "amen" and this is supposed to be a very powerful prayer thing. My mom and I had me in mind. G-d always answers prayers. Sometimes he says no.

My neighbor's cousin got married this week and they're having one of the "seven blessings" meals at their house now, so I'm sending Yaakov over to ask for the bride & groom to bless me.

Where we're at now - I'm waiting for my doctor to call with a plan of action. Current possibilities are either to proceed with the neurologist's call for an EEG (which I might end up having to pay for out-of-pocket...) or to have my doctor request a hospitalization for me.

I'm torn about the second option. On the one hand, it seems like the best bet for finding a solution - I will be able to have all the tests in a short time without waiting for health fund approval, appointments at various clinics, etc. It'll mean a lot less running around, especially for my mom, who is starting to feel like a taxi driver. And hopefully, it'll mean an answer sooner.

On the other hand, it'll mean being away from Kinneret, and I will miss her so much. It'll also mean much more work for Yaakov - He'll have to take over all the stuff I do, and I imagine he'll be surprised at how much I do even with constant headaches. He should be able to get the time off as "family sick" time, so work shouldn't be a problem.

But now, I'm just waiting for the phone to ring, and gradually losing hope as it gets ever closer to 9pm and the time I expected the doctor to call by...

I'll be bursting into tears right about now.

me

Going Out of My Head

Because of my sister's blog and blogroll, I've gotten to know about support networks through the blogosphere, but I'm not infertile (or at least Kinneret doesn't think so).

I'm just having a never-ending headache. I don't know where to get support for that, or for the depression I experience EVERY morning when I wake up and the pain is still there full force.

I have great friends who give me all kinds of moral support, but none of them know what this feels like. They can't understand what it's like to have my head hurt and my baby screaming and know that I'm not being the kind of mother I want to be. And have it continue day after day.

It's impossible to put into words how I felt when I had to tell the woman I work for that I need to take some time off. This means putting off getting a car even longer, since we can't afford one without my salary. I haven't been able to take driving lessons, which means I'm still far away from getting my license.

I haven't been able to keep up with the basics like laundry. I consider it an achievement that I manage to keep the baby washed and in clean diapers.

I feel like this headache has taken over my life and everything that means anything to me is disappearing into the ether. Yaakov is running out of patience for me. My mom is downright sick of me. My friends need me to be there for them in other, important ways. I keep pushing to keep going through the pain, but it's getting harder and harder.

I've now been to two neurologists, one of whom was very thorough, but didn't have any particularly helpful ideas for stopping my pain. He gave me one medication while I was at his office - it's a fast-acting medication that you're supposed to take while experiencing the aura. So I did. And on the way home, I felt intense burning and pressure in my head.

great
so I took the other medication he recommended. In extremely high doses, it seems to ease the pain slightly. slightly.

I'm really starting to lose it. I don't know what to do.

Waking Up for Kinneret

I didn't feel this way the first three months, but now, I actually kind of enjoy waking up for Kinneret in the night. It's a sweet time.

She wakes up once or twice a night. If it's before 1am, I give her water, hold her for a while, and ease her back into bed. After 1am, I give her a bottle of milk. (If you look at my previous posts, you'll see I had nursing problems. I finally gave up after two months of misery on both our parts, and thank G-d, she is doing well on formula.) She drinks it down so fast, it's almost amusing, but her whole body is relaxed, just her mouth working on the bottle.

She lies in my arms, completely calm, warm, soft. This is our moment, in the still of the night. I think that when she sleeps through until morning, I might miss it.

Kinneret and Shlomit

Last week, we received a package from Shlomo, Kinneret's big brother, with a doll for Kinneret.

Today, as I was taking Kinneret out in the rain, I had trouble telling Kinneret and Shlomit (the new doll, note how original the name is...) apart.



Sorry about the quality. It was taken on my phone. But doncha just LOVE the ears?

Eight Times Eight is Sixty-Four

Since Friday, a migraine has been playing pingpong in my head... I spent last night in the ER so I could have a CT scan. All is well on that front. It seems annoying to have spent 7 hours in the ER so they could write me a prescription for aspirin... but...anyway...

Frumhouse tagged me on an 8 things meme... here goes.

8 passions in my life:

1. Yaakov
2. Kinneret
3. My family of origin
4. Writing
5. Ice Cream
6. Music (listening & singing)
7. Sleep
   
8. Flossing

8 things to do before I die:

1. Be a loving wife
   
2. Be a great mom
3. Be a wonderful grandmother
   
4. Be a Great-grandmother
   
5. Publish a novel
6. Take a skydiving course
7. Improve my self-image
8. Achieve complete relaxation

8 things I often say:

1. Yaakov, can you get the baby?
2. Princess!
3. Fuzzy Wuzzy Animal, please don't bark!
4. I love you (Pumpkin, Princess, Poofster)
5. We need a car.
6. I'm tired.
7. Are you a Hungry Hungry Hippo?
8. Please don't touch my baby, she's sleeping!

Eight Books I read recently

1. The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards
2. Fool Me Once - Fern Michaels
3. The Book of Ruth - Jane Hamilton
4. The New Method Preparation for Driving Theory Test
5. Small Island - Andrea Levy
6. Dropped From Heaven - Sophie Judah
7. Siddur Rinat Yisrael
8. Does the Ikea Catalog count as a book?

8 songs that mean something to me:

1. HaYalda Hachi Yafah Bagan - Hakeves Hashisha Asar
   
2. V'Ulai
   
3. Naara Ushma Kinneret
4. Kan Beiti El Mul Golan
   
5. Baby Mine - Bette Midler
   
6. Mi Bon Siach - Dveykus
   
7. Im Yivaled Li Yeled - Yoni Rechter
8. White Flag - Dido

8 Qualities I look for in a friend:

1. Smart
2. (Mostly) mentally stable
   
3. Good Sense of Humor
   
4. Self-aware
5. Kind
6. Good Heart
7. Good Listener
   

8 people I am tagging

1. Princee D'Tiara
2. Raanana Ramblings
3. RachInbar
4. Kirby
5. DrSavta
6. Poofy
7. Safranit
8. Abbi - Who can post in the comments 'cuz she doesn't have her own blog.
   

Some Pictures.

I just don't have time to write. I'm constantly busy with Kinneret and working and trying to keep the house from becoming a hellhole.

Here are a few pictures...


















Tatty takes care of Kinneret



Kinneret gets to know Poofy



Kinneret in her new Chinese PJ's

Defragmentation

Have you ever run a disk defrag on your hard disk? When you did, did you watch what it showed you?

Once, I defragmented my hard disk, and watched, mesmerized. The defrag utility takes bits of files that have gotten spread out all over the disk and puts them together. It clears away parts of deleted files that have been left there. It opens the space for new files, new information.

A few nights ago, while I was lying in my bed, my overtired brain started coughing up partial images, bad thoughts, bad memories, and random pieces of television shows that I've watched. I started to ponder - what would it be like if I could defrag my brain?

Could I delete the crystal clear image of a mother beating her child in Ganei Hataarucha in Tel Aviv some 20 years ago? Could I replace it with the periodic table of elements? That would come in handier than that image that haunts me sometimes.

How about the memory of being trapped in a foot locker? Could I replace that with something more pleasant? Say the memory of picking blueberries with my sister?

And how about this tiny segment of a memory that I have of being in a giant tent? I can't figure out if it's from a trip I took when I was 14 or one I took while I was in college. All I have is a few faint images.

And what about people who went through serious trauma, like the holocaust? Why can't G-d just pre-load a defrag utility onto us?

How did I get here?

Sometimes, I'm not sure who I am. I mean, yes, I know my name. But sometimes, I look in the mirror and I'm confused as to how I got to be where I am.

Interestingly enough, when I started high school, my dream was to live in Israel, and be married and have a baby and cover my hair...

And that's where I am now.

But somewhere in the middle, I stepped off of that path. I became someone who got her friends to draw all over her jeans and then wore them in public. I went to dance parties with trance music (except I had to leave because the trance stuff makes me feel like my head's about to explode). I went to outdoor rock concerts and danced with men I'd never met. I learned all the words to the Israeli songs so I could sing along at the concerts with everyone else. I bought an incredibly short sleeveless dress, and wore it outside. Of course, I walked around feeling entirely naked, but it was kind of a liberating feeling. Of course, it was loose and no one even bothered to give me an appreciative glance, but hey, I felt undressed.

A bit over a year ago, I went to a concert in the Sultan's Pool with friends, and one of my favorite bands, Tipex (also called Teapacks) played. I jumped up and down and screamed like any other excited fan, and I got the STRANGEST looks. I guess it's just not normal for a woman in a long skirt with a head-covering to jump around like a teenager.

The last time I was at a concert was May. Considering that I gave birth in the end of June, I didn't have to be reminded not to jump. Kinneret did enough jumping for both of us - of course, I didn't know she was Kinneret at the time.

All this is to say that I'm not sure what really is me. Am I really the woman with the manicured nails and the wedding band and the long skirt and the frumpy head-coverings? Or am I the girl in the painted jeans? Can I be both? If I am the religious woman, how much of that other part of me do I have to give up? And what if sometimes it's too much? What if listening to a concert on the radio and dancing in my living room just isn't enough?

Those moments, being that other person, they made me feel alive in a way that is totally different from what I feel in my current life. I know that life isn't meant to be skydiving and dance parties. And I know that I've been to incredible juggling festivals. And of course, nothing in that world could ever compare to the feelings I have for Yaakov and Kinneret. No rock concert can compare to the beauty of having my baby's fingers wrapped around my own finger.

Would I trade my life now for that life? Absolutely not. But sometimes I wonder if I really have to let go of all of it to get to where I am now.

Call the Moon?

copied from PR Web.
What will they think of next?

Google's Moon Prize Upped by YouNeverCall Online Cell Phone Store

Online Cell Phone Superstore YouNeverCall has added an additional prize to Google's recently announced prize for landing a spacecraft on the Moon. YouNeverCall offers $10,000 to the first company to successfully place a cellular phone call from the moon.

Los Angeles, California (PRWEB) September 21, 2007 -- YouNeverCall Inc. the popular online cell phone superstore (http://www.younevercall.com), today announced a $10,000 prize award for the first cell phone call placed from the moon.


This announcement follows on the coattails of Google's (http://www.google.com) announcement of $30M in prize money for landing a craft on the moon by Dec. 31, 2014. YouNeverCall has decided to allow a few more days to place the first cell phone call from the moon and so the deadline has been set for January 7, 2015 - which is a Wednesday.

In order to claim the $10,000 prize a cell phone call must be placed by a device or person present on the Moon's surface. This call must pass through a commercially available cellular phone to YouNeverCall's corporate headquarters in Los Angeles, CA. The call may travel via any protocol or compression before reaching our offices, and it must be possible to for the caller to answer a few yes/no questions correctly. Like Google, YouNeverCall is offering a lesser prize for companies who achieve a related but lesser goal. YouNeverCall is offering a $500 prize to the first SMS message that travels via the moon and lands on one of our corporate cell phones (http://www.younevercall.com). Furthermore, the company is offering a $100 bounty to the first party who receives a cell phone call on the Moon that rings using the infamous Crazy Frog Ringtone.

While Google's goal is to cause excitement around renewed space exploration, YouNeverCall aims to extend Google's mission by introducing a new facet. "We feel that by challenging the scientific community with performing an everyday task on the moon, we are going a step further than Google. While the journey itself may be the destination in some sense - we think doing something useful once you get there will also add a little something," said Sam Michelson, VP Marketing for YouNeverCall.

YouNeverCall reminds readers that use of cell phones outside of one's calling area may incur steep roaming charges.

About YouNeverCall
YouNeverCall was launched in 2003 to provide great communication solutions with 'extreme customer service'. At over 250,000 monthly visitors, YouNeverCall's online cell phone stores offer over 150 models of the latest cell phones for AT&T (Cingular), Verizon, T-Mobile, Sprint and Nextel. YouNeverCall also offers cell phone shopping assistance around the clock via phone. To experience YouNeverCall for yourself, go to http://www.younevercall.com

###

Press Contact: Sam Michelson
Company Name: YouNeverCall
Email Us Here: http://www.prweb.com/emailmember.php?prid=555228
Phone: (323) 988-9678
Website: http://www.younevercall.com

Yaakov Plays Kinneret an Irish Ballad