Where I'm At Now

The past few weeks, I've been a little down, and I've been very hungry. I think the two are related... In any case, I've gotten a little off target, and I had two days where I just ate and ate. On one of those two days, I ate so much I felt sick. I thought I was past doing that, so it was really discouraging. 

I also gained back about a kilo, so now I'm only down 7 kilo. That was also disappointing. I've been doing this for so long... 

On the other hand, people say I look better, and my clothes fit much better now. I've even gotten to the point where I can't wear one of my skirts because it's too big for me. I've recently bought two new skirts and they're a much smaller size than I used to buy - like 3 sizes smaller. 

All in all, though, I've lost motivation. I've decided to try Slim-Fast to see if that gets me back on track. It's not easy to get it in Israel, but I ordered two containers from a seller on ebay. (Not everything on ebay is used.) I also ordered some of their snack bars so I'll be able to have something yummy and chocolatey. I hope this will help me. 

I think the main thing here is my motivation, which has dropped. I'm not walking at all, and only doing tai chi once a week. I need to get those numbers up too. 

My friend has basically said that losing weight has to be an obsession, and I think that I'm less obsessed with it now that I have a job which I'm obsessed with... It's hard to make room in my head for everything.

I think I've rambled enough... Shabbat Shalom all

Wanarenes and Cumber-ers

I was at the greengrocer's yesterday, buying fruits and vegetables, and I saw that nectarines are finally in season. Last summer, in Finland, we ate a lot of nectarines. Kinneret loved them. She called them "wanarenes." 

One day, we sat in our cabin in Finland, making a shopping list, and we asked the children what we should buy. Kinneret kept saying "cumber-ers" (cucumbers). 

This summer, she calls them nectarines and cucumbers. I'm glad that she's growing up, but I miss her baby-talk mistakes. 

Here is a picture of her at her cousin's bar mitzva last month:

All of It

I'm at the point that I can eat responsibly even without posting every morsel that enters my mouth, so I've been blogging less. Someone complained that he missed it. Thanks! 

In Stephen King's On Writing: 10th Anniversary Edition: A Memoir of the Craft, he talks about his drinking. He says that a man goes to a doctor and says "I have a drinking problem," and the doctor asks "How much do you drink?" The man replies "All of it." When I read that, I didn't quite get it, but now I do.

Today, I went out with a friend, and we got yogurts with muesli and coffee. While we were sitting there, a woman came in and got some sort of roll with jelly. The roll was fairly small, but she still left a piece of it when she left. I turned to my friend and asked "How does she do that? How can you leave a piece of food?" 

I think that's one of my major issues - I eat all of it. It doesn't matter what it is. I finish it. A serving isn't the recommended serving size. A serving is whatever is available. When I first got married, I would make a pound of pasta, and Yaakov would eat half and I'd eat the other half. These days, I cook half of the pound. If I cook more, it won't leave leftovers; we'll simply eat more. 

Portion control is a huge issue for me. I'm learning to work around it. Mainly, I'm making sure that "all of it" is a reasonable amount for me to eat.

Grumble!

Today, Yaakov called me to tell me that he has to go to the USA on Sunday. For three weeks. I don't really take to solo parenting well. I'm in the process of starting a new job with many hours, so I don't know exactly how I'm going to do things like grocery shopping and laundry while he's away. So... grumble! 

Food:

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: yogurt drink (peanut butter... YUM!)

dinner: 1.5 chicken breasts, 1 thigh, 1 wing, lots of string beans

after: 1 jawbreaker candy. not as good as a fireball, but got me through the sugar craving.

Two Days in One

I missed posting yesterday, and today, I had a big mess up with lunch. I went to try out a newly mehadrin place and got hummus and meat and pitas... was incredibly yummy, but I figure it was close to 1000 calories. I decided to eat just veggies for dinner so I'm still on track, I think.

Tuesday:

Breakfast: coffee

Lunch: cottage cheese and strawberries

snack: coffee, apple

dinner: felafel (1.5 sandwiches)

Wednesday: 

Breakfast: yogurt, coffee, 3 marshmallows

snack: yogurt drink (350 calories)

lunch: hummus w/ meat & 2 pitas, very small green salad

dinner: 2 zucchinis

extra: 3 small candies

7 Down, 33 to Go

So it's official, kilo number seven dropped away, despite all of my bad eating over Pesach and the bar mitzva. I'm inspired now to go back to being really careful, so today was a no-mistakes day.

Breakfast: coffee

snack: 1/4 cup of orange juice-pineapple-mint-wheat grass juice (It was AWFUL)

lunch: yogurt (chocolate orange froop...really yummy)

snack: low cal ice cream bar (50 calories)

dinner: 1 can of tuna with 5% olive oil mayo-like stuff, 1.5 cups whole wheat pasta with mushrooms and tomato sauce, 1 big sweet red pepper

Sunday. Better

In response to all job-related questions, the position is a marketing writer position. It's an internship, and I'm not 100% where I'll be working yet. Some of the work will probably be from home. I haven't started yet. I have a phone meeting tomorrow, and after that, I assume things will be clearer.

Food: 

Breakfast: Coffee

Lunch: strawberries and cottage cheese

snack: coffee

dinner: 2 zucchinis, 2 bowls of chicken soup, ~1 cup of rice

Another Saturday Night

The big news for the week is that I appear to have gotten a job. It's not clear when I start or whether I'll be working at an office or at home, but I was told that I'm hired. I'm very excited and more than a little bit nervous. I hope things will go well. 

Yesterday and today were better on the food front, but I'm still not back to non-eating.

Friday: 

breakfast: coffee and a granola bar

lunch: yogurt drink (300 cal)

snack: coffee and a granola bar

Dinner: chicken soup, 1 slice of challah, salad, 1/2 chicken breast, 1 chicken thigh, 1 chicken leg, 1/2 cup rice

Saturday:

breakfast: coffee

lunch: 1 bowl chicken soup, 

snack: fruit salad, 1 slice of cake, celery

dinner: 2 chicken breasts

Another Wednesday

Food-wise, today was good, not great. We have no veggies in the house at all. I have to buy some tomorrow morning. 

Breakfast: yogurt drink, coffee

lunch: omelet sandwich on light bread, salad, coffee

snack: red pepper slice, coffee

snack: granola bar

Dinner: rice with salami (too much salami)

I need fireballs. I'll have to figure out how to get more, since they don't sell them in Israel. :(

Getting Back on Track

I'm not 100% on track yet, but today was much better. I'm still down 6 kilos, so no damage over the holiday. Hopefully, when I re-stock the house, things will improve.

Breakfast: coffee

lunch: coffee

snack: 1 square chocolate, 1 handful potato soup nuts, 2 cherry tomatoes

dinner: 2 pitas with 1% fat pastrama

Losing Momentum

So, again, I feel like no one's reading. More than that, I feel like I'm not really on the plan. Today was a bit better than the past few days, but I'm still eating entirely too much carbs. I hope when Pesach's over, things will even out a bit.

breakfast: coffee

lunch: roast, apple kugel (3 pieces), potato kugel (2), 1 piece of matza, avocado, salad w/ salad dressing

dinner: strawberries, 1 vanilla pudding cup. 

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom

Today was kind of a tough day. Ephraim was home, it was raining, and Yaakov and Kinneret are away at the juggling convention. My fantastic neighbor let us come over and hang out for a while, which made the day move and stopped the constant flow of Diego videos. I'm told that Diego is the Spanish of Yaakov, so it makes sense that Ephraim would want to watch it constantly... 

I miss Yaakov and Kinneret, though I'm enjoying the lack of whining. Kinneret has a tendency to whine about things even when we haven't said no... as in "mommy I wannnt waaaater," and I'm like, "could you please ask in English instead of whine-language?" 

I've been reading "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" and so far, it's a good read. I'm hoping that learning the techniques in the book will help me yell less and feel more like the situation is under control even if the kids aren't exactly. I feel like I get angry too often and yell too often with Kinneret. With Ephraim, I feel like I have more patience. I'm not quite sure whether it's his behavior or my attitude. It might be a combination of the two. I perceive him as very vulnerable, while I perceive Kinneret as very tough. The truth is almost the opposite. Kinneret is very sensitive and gives up easily. Ephraim is persistent and self-assured. I'm not sure where I go from there... hmmmn. 

On a totally different subject, I think that matza makes you hungry. There's no other explanation. I never eat very much of the carbs anyway, but somehow, this week, I'm ten times hungrier. I feel like I'm in good company, though. Two of my Facebook friends said they got somewhat off track during the holiday too. Today, I had the obligatory matza brei for the chag... I discovered that I don't like it with wet matza. I like the matza crispy... oh well. 

Anyway, here's today's food:

Snack: banana, coffee

breakfast: matza brei - 2 matzahs, 2 eggs, 1 onion, olive oil, a tiny bit of butter

snack: coffee

lunch: cottage cheese & strawberries

snack: coffee, 4 marshmallows

Dinner will be whatever my mom serves, as she's graciously invited Ephraim and me for supper. I assume there will be apple kugel... yum. 

Day 3 of the Omer

I'm trying to count the omer this year. For those who don't know what that means, the omer is a period of 50 days between Passover and Shavuot. You're supposed to count off the days and the weeks in that time period. "You shall count for yourselves seven complete sabbaths" is how the Torah puts it. 

So you count each evening, after dark, for seven weeks, and when you finish, you celebrate receiving the Torah, which was seven full weeks after leaving Egypt. The counting is easy. Remembering to count... not so easy. Men who pray each evening are more likely to remember, but for women, it's a real challenge. 

Today, I tried to re-assert control, and was somewhat successful. It's very hard without my fireballs. They give me the sweet and the strong flavor and take a long time to eat, so I use them to kind of finish off the day. I miss them.

breakfast: yogurt drink (350 cal)

lunch: cottage cheese and strawberries

snack: potato chips (small bag, 100 cal), celery (a lot)

dinner: turkey meat, chicken breast, chicken soup, 1/2 slice matza, 1.5 pieces apple kugel

after: 2 small pieces of cake

problem: I'm still craving sweet.