Braving the Supermarket

Today, after gan, I decided to ask the kids what we were going to eat for supper. This was mostly because I had no idea what to make. They came up with the idea of making spaghetti for supper, which made me realize that I didn't have sauce (we usually use the jarred kind). I decided to take the kids to the supermarket. I've never done this before. I've never taken them without a stroller. I've always had at least one of them restrained.

I was fairly terrified.

My list was very limited. Tomato sauce, tivol "ground", cheese, cinnamon gum if they had it (they didn't). That's it. We walked to the supermarket pretty much without mishap. Ephraim stuck with us and didn't run away. The kids obviously asked for cookies. And here's where the fates aligned. Two things happened. One, I happened to have both cake and cookies at home (provided by Kelli), and two, my kids happened to be angels. So I said "we have cookies at home" and Kinneret said "but I want cake" and I said "we have cake at home. Kelli brought us a cake." and wonders will never cease, she stopped asking. It even worked with cereal. She wanted the cookie cereal and I said "we buy corn flakes, and we have that at home," and she didn't ask again.

The kids asked for chocolate milk and I said "another day. not today" and they accepted that... Kinneret wanted to hold the sauce, but she accepted holding the cheese instead. Ephraim wanted to hold the cheese but he accepted holding the butter instead (how did that get on the list?) It was like miracle after miracle. Which is why, when I handed Kinneret her tivol ground to hold and Ephraim asked for one to hold too, I decided I wasn't going to press my luck, and we now have an extra package in the freezer. It won't go to waste.

The line was short and the kids didn't get crazy fidgety in line. The kids carried their share of the groceries part way home. They even almost sort of walked home decently. Times like this, I think maybe parenting isn't only for the absolute strongest and bravest. I think maybe it's something I'm actually capable of doing.

For the first time since the toddler phase started, I'm starting to feel like going out with my kids doesn't leave me feeling harried and worn out. I think I actually enjoyed going out to the supermarket with my kids. I might have even laughed a little. 

Two Years

January 5th, two years ago, at 9:40 in the evening, my son, Ephraim was born. He was beautiful and sweet. Yaakov and my mother were with me. We looked at him, his perfect fingers and toes, and his thin head of hair. We thought he might be a redhead. We knew he looked like Yaakov. At midnight, I went to the nursery to feed him, and he, unlike Kinneret, nursed. There was no milk, but he nursed. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. I had two beautiful babies, a husband who loved me, and I was past a pregnancy that wasn't exactly fun.

Less than two days later, my world fell apart. I never understood how parents of a disabled child feel, but now I do. They say that you have to first mourn for the child you had expected before you can accept the child you got. That was certainly true for me. I went to appointments with him, was told that he could never play sports, work any kind of manual labor. I cried while I nursed him.

We brought him home and Kinneret called him "didi" then "baby." She wanted to hold him all the time, touch him all the time. She was so happy with the baby we'd brought home for her.

He had colic. I was exhausted.

I went through surgery with him, in the hopes of rescuing vision in his eye, and it failed. The doctor pushed for more surgery while telling me that there was no hope. I called experts from the United States and spoke to my pediatrician. We didn't go through a second operation.

Ephraim had the worst colic I've ever heard of. For five months, he rarely slept more than an hour at a time unless he was nursing. I carried him in the wrap carrier, sometimes nursing while I walked around. I waited for opportunities to share a meal with my parents so that one of them could hold him while I ate.

We went to the Vardizer clinic in Haifa for a prosthetic lens to help his eye socket grow and his face be symmetrical. The doctor there was the first person who told me my son has beautiful eyes. He told me that my son could be anything except three things: an air-force pilot - he can be a commercial pilot, though; a crane operator; a driver of a semi-trailer. He told me that the young lady who'd just come into the waiting room, the one with beautiful big brown eyes who had just finished army service as an officer, started out with an eye just like Ephraim's.

Yaakov's mother came to visit and rocked Ephraim endlessly while I tried to ready the house for Pesach.

Ephraim had an abscess and needed surgery again, this time in Hadassah Har Hatzofim.

My fibromyalgia flared up so badly that I could barely sit up. The flare up lasted for months.

Neighbors called social services because there was a baby crying so much of the time. The social worker came in, and everything was quiet. When I put Ephraim on the floor to play with his toys, he screamed. She understood.

Shlomo came to visit.

Kinneret called him "Epharim."

My mom and I (and Ephraim) went up to Haifa so often the taxi drivers at the train station got to know us.

My friends Jeremy and Kelli got married (again).

I took Kinneret for development tests because her speech was behind schedule.

Ephraim got his painted lens and looked cuter than ever.

Kinneret turned 3 and had a birthday party at gan.

Our family went to Finland and Russia for three incredible, but not so easy, weeks. Ephraim learned to walk.

The kids and I were home for three really not so easy weeks. It was too hot to be outside, too boring to be inside, just difficult.

Daycare started again. Kinneret started preschool (gan trom-trom). She learned how to use a stencil and cut with scissors.

Ephraim, who had always been the type to give in, suddenly started standing up for himself, sometimes too much.

His daycare lost his painted lens. More trips to Haifa.

Kinneret's gananot tell me that she's one of the more advanced kids in her group, that she's aware of everything. Her speech has caught up without any therapy.

Ephraim's hair has gotten absurdly long. It will be another year now until we cut it.

And there you have it... two years.

Happy Birthday Ephraim!!!

How to Glue a Banana (an Important Parenting Skill)

Ephraim in His Rocking Chair

Each day, I pick up Kinneret at her gan (pre-school) and Ephraim at his daycare (which they also call a gan), and we walk home, except sometimes, if I don't feel well, or if I'm running late. Then, my mom helps me get the kids. One day last week, my mom helped me get the kids.

We brought them inside, and the two children sat in their rocking chairs. They asked for bananas. Ephraim said "nana" and Kinneret went along for the ride.

I made sure not to open their bananas (a cardinal sin), until they asked for help. Then I opened the bananas, and Ephraim's broke, causing tears, screams, moans. It was truly tragic. My mother and I sat there, trying to determine what to do.

Logical Mommy said "I'm sorry your banana broke, Ephraim" but the wails continued.
Logical Mommy tried again, "Eat the broken part fast Ephraim" but to no avail. He kept screaming.
And then Savta, who couldn't stop laughing whispered two magical words...(which shall soon be revealed)

Logical Mommy gave up, took the banana, took a knife, went to the cabinet, and got some magical banana glue (a.k.a. peanut butter.) and glued the banana together.

Ephraim took the banana. The tears ceased. The wails stopped. The banana-eating proceeded. Life was good.

Sometimes, you just have to glue the banana.

Ephraim - Cuter than Ever

Rachel Inbar commented on my last post, saying: You could have mentioned the fact that Ephraim takes this all incredibly well and is cuter than ever...

She's right. The kid's a total trooper. He wakes up the morning after surgery in an unknown place and as soon as he sees Mommy, he's all smiles. He's really incredible.

Stressed

A few weeks ago, Ephraim had a recurrence of the abscess that took us to Hadassah for surgery last year. At first, I thought it was no big deal, but then I wasn't so sure. I ended up taking him to Terem - an urgent care clinic - about an hour and a half before Shabbat. They sent us to the ER. I called my mother and she and I went back to Hadassah (Mt. Scopus) - with Ephraim of course. We arrived at the hospital about one minute before sunset...

Around midnight, they operated on Ephraim. Needless to say, the situation was stressful. Moreover, the surgery was not fully successful. He will need to have more surgery in a few more weeks.

The surgeon wasn't clear about that or what to do in the meantime, which has led to a little more stress along the way. For those keeping score at home, this will be operation number FOUR for Ephraim. He's not yet 1.5.

I was reading an article about delayed gratification. These days, the most I can muster for delaying gratification is not eating the batter before the cake gets into the oven...

It's been a stressful few weeks.

Eye-rony

I've talked about how I take Ephraim to a clinic in Haifa for his eye. At the clinic, pretty much everyone has at least one eye that is "broken" in some way. Some, like Ephraim, have a small eye which needs to be enlarged. Others are cancer survivors who had to have an eye removed. In any case, pretty much every patient is one-eyed. Tuesdays are children's days, and there are a lot of toys. One of the toys is a big teddy bear. When I was there yesterday, I noticed that the teddy bear was missing an eye, and someone had taped an X of masking tape over the place where the eye had been.

I simply didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

What You Missed!

For those of you who didn't join me today (that would be everyone except Ephraim), here's what you missed...

First, we had to scale a big concrete wall. Well, okay, it wasn't that big. It was about waist height, but you try scaling it with a stroller. This really nice young lady (late teens, I'd guess) helped me, and it was actually really not bad. This is because the mall isn't open at 6:30 in the morning, and I didn't feel like walking 3 blocks out of my way to get to the train station. The road that goes to the train station should be open by the next time I need to go, and if not, well, my appointment then is at 10am, so I'll be leaving a bit later anyway.

Next, there was a guy wearing a kilt on the train. I mean, a real live Scottish kilt. But here's the funny thing. Usually when you see a guy in a kilt, they're like decked out in full gear... not this guy. He was wearing this blah t-shirt and a North Face jacket. It's like someone secretly switched his jeans with a kilt and he didn't notice...

Ephraim and I played peek-a-boo a fair amount of the way to Haifa, and then we found a taxi and got to the clinic right on time. The clinic staff was fantastic as always, and Ephraim is doing great. They didn't get us a new lens today, but they fixed the one he's wearing now to make it more comfortable, and they'll mail us a new one in the next few days.

On the train home, Ephraim really wanted to crawl around, and there's a bit of clear space where I guess wheelchairs could be, so I let him down, and I closed the door so he couldn't leave the compartment, and I went to sit back down.... only I forgot I had been sitting in a jump-seat (like a movie-theater seat), so I ended up on the floor. Ephraim crawled around for a while, stood up next to some older gentleman (by older, I mean older than my father), banged on the seat next to him a little. I asked the man a few times if it was ok, and the man said it was fine. Then someone left the compartment to use the restroom, so I got up to close the door and when I sat back down, I again landed on the floor! It's too bad there was no video camera on me. I think it could've gone viral. :)

Anyway, we're all home and my chair here.........k;lgj/efgjgjdkf/

(just kidding)

be well.
LeahGG

He Was Always Ok

Yaakov and I have friends whose names in Hebrew are Yaakov and Leiah, and they're expecting, G-d willing, in a little over a month. I let them know that I had a special kippah appropriate for a brit for a baby whose father's name is Yaakov. (It says "? son of Yaakov") See, it's cute because we don't know the baby's name yet at the brit. All we know is the father's name (one hopes).

Anyway, I made this for Ephraim's brit, and because of everything that surrounded his birth, the running to specialists, the extreme blow dealt to me by unsympathetic and insensitive doctors, the misinformation I found on Google and had confirmed by stupid doctors, and the simple fact that for a time, all I could see of Ephraim was his one small eye, I didn't ever use it.

So I was hoping that someone else could use this kippa, because it took a lot of work to make it. When I offered it to the other Yaakov and Leiah, I told them why it never was used for Ephraim, and the other Yaakov asked "How is Ephraim?"
"Ephraim's ok," I answered. "He was always ok. I was the one who wasn't ok."
and it's true.

Under Ground with Ephraim

Wednesday, a few weeks ago, my mother, Ephraim, and I went to Hadassah Hospital on Mount Scopus. The children's outpatient surgery unit (which they call Day Care) is underground. You go down just a bit, but it's easy to see that there are no windows. After we checked in with Dafna the nurse, we started to meet the other parents.

Ephraim was there to have an abscess removed. Two children were having hernias repaired, another child was there to have a lumbar puncture. Another was there to have a biopsy taken of his muscle. There were religious Jews, non-religious Jews, and Arabs dressed in different levels of religious garb.

And then there was Tito. My mother and I had just seen the art therapist who had explained that we would be spending the day there so that the children having surgery the next day could learn about the process. I was lying on Ephraim's bed - he was lying in his stroller - reading a book.

There were a few young women there, volunteers from Betzalel, Israel's best known college of arts. They were using modeling clay. One made a giraffe, another made a pregnant woman, bent over backwards. Children sat at the table, requesting shapes.

Tito, though, was something different. Tito had a red nose, suspenders marked with inches like a measuring tape, and pants that showed boxers underneath. Tito held three roses. Ephraim was sleeping, but Tito didn't ignore me or my mother. He talked to us.

When Ephraim woke up, Tito amused him by blowing bubbles and by making a balloon jump in Ephraim's tiny hand. I talked to Tito. Some of those near and dear to me are quite clownish, and one of my favorite brothers (I have 3 favorites) has been known to put on a red nose and head for hospitals himself. Yaakov isn't quite a clown, but he does a fair bit of clowning in his show. Moreover, a good friend of his, Charlie is a bona fide clown, and he did some serious(?!) clowning at our wedding.

Thursday morning, we arrived at the hospital at 7:30, got coffee (awful) and pastries (decent) and went to the children's "day care" unit. We were greeted by Dafna, the nurse. Ephraim and some other children had their temperature taken. One of the children dropped his thermometer and there was some discussion of cleaning up the mercury.

Then, two by two, Dafna sent us up to the operating room. We waited in the OR waiting room for a long while, and the doctor came to take a boy to the operating room. His mother went into the room with him to stay with him until the anesthesia took. She came out, shaky. We tried to talk. After a while, her son was taken to the recovery room, and the doctor took Ephraim and me to the operating room. I lay him on the table, and the anesthesiologist put the mask on his face. I sang into Ephraim's ear and held onto him as he wiggled around and then stopped wiggling. They told me to wait outside.

I went to the family waiting room, and tried to read. I pumped some breastmilk for Ephraim, remembering that last time he had surgery, he couldn't nurse for quite some time. I went to get something to drink, and when I came back, my mom was gone. I went to find her in the recovery room, and she was already feeding Ephraim my milk.

She finished feeding him the little bit I'd pumped, and then I held him, nursing him. He was able to suck, unlike the previous time. He was very calm in my arms, very quiet, but he was nursing.

We waited for a long time, and they sent us back down to the basement where the children's outpatient surgery ward is. We talked to other parents there, and we waited for Ephraim to be able to come back home.

The First Three Months

The first three months of Ephraim's life have been, well, less than easy on me.

I've talked about his eye problem a tiny bit. The doctor recommended doing a second operation, but the chances of real success were very low. Yaakov and I agonized over the decision whether or not to go forward with a second operation. I spoke to several doctors, including two other ophthalmologists. In the end, we decided not to have the operation. This means that we have given up all hope of him seeing from the eye.

Instead, we will be working on helping the eye socket to grow so that his face will look symmetrical.

I've spent a lot of time at the eye clinic in Tel Hashomer Hospital, and I imagine I'll be spending some more time there. My maternity leave is almost over, and I'm only just beginning to get into Ephraim's rhythm. He doesn't sleep great at night. It's kind of hit-or-miss whether I get enough sleep to keep me sane any given night. Yaakov's been great, but since I'm nursing, I try to get up for every feeding (Ephraim does take formula at times, since my supply is low).

I'm starting to think about working again. I've found a daycare arrangement for both kids (at the same place) for next school year. I have a few options for part-time care for Ephraim in the shorter range, but I don't want to have him out too many hours a day - just maybe 2-4 hours a day - both because I think babies belong with their mom (as much as possible) and because I have pretty much no success with pumping, so I need to be with him for feedings in order to continue the nursing.

I'm planning on becoming a freelance writer. There is someone who has been giving me writing projects on a regular basis over the past 2 years, and she's had me listed as a regular employee. I plan to keep working with her and take on other projects at the same time - hopefully to improve my resume and widen the range of subjects I write about.

Kinneret is growing day by day. She says more and more words each day. A few days ago, my mom asked her "Is Ephraim your mommy?" and Kinneret answered "baby."

Last night, I was calling for Yaakov from the other room, and she started calling in the same tone "Koko!"

She also is learning to draw. Last night, she found my whiteboard and some dry-erase markers, and she spent about an hour coloring on the whiteboard (and a teeny bit on the couch - but hey, it's IKEA - it's washable!)

She loves flowers and leaves, and asks us to pick them for her when she is out in her stroller.

She has made friends with a little boy in her daycare, and they hug each other. It's very cute.

In international news, Shlomo and Yaakov have been video conferencing twice a week to study Gmara together. Yaakov's mom is arriving tomorrow morning and will be with us for Pesach.

Overall, things are looking up!

Ephraim Update

Ephraim and I are home now. Ephraim seems to be back to his cute, cuddly, constantly-eating self.

The surgery accomplished what it was supposed to. That is, the surgeon removed the lens, which had a cataract and the scarred portion of the vitreous.

While he was doing the surgery, he saw that the retina is severely underdeveloped. He called in a retinal specialist who agreed with that assessment. As a result, they do not expect Ephraim to have vision in his left eye.

We have a followup appointment on Monday which will probably deal with the cosmetic issues of the problem - the cross-eyedness and the fact that the affected eye is smaller.

I've talked about this about as much as I can take, so please...

I will say that we are coping and we're not worried about Ephraim. We love him very much and are glad that he came through the surgery well. Of course, we're disappointed that vision is unlikely in the eye, but we know that people can live happy, healthy, good lives with vision in only one eye.

A Request

I've hesitated to write about this. Ephraim was diagnosed with PHPV in his left eye. (Click the link for details - I've explained it too many times, and it kind of makes me sick to talk about it.)

He will be having surgery, G-d willing, on Tuesday Feb 17th. I will be with him at Tel Hashomer hospital in the eye clinic Monday-Wednesday, assuming all goes well.

For those interested in such things, the doctor performing the surgery will be Professor Shpirer.

My request is for your prayers. His name is Ephraim Joshua. For those doing the typical Jewish thing, it's Ephraim Yehoshua ben Leah Gavriela or, in Hebrew, אפרים יהושע בן לאה גבריאלה.

Anyone who wants to offer more tangible support, I will probably be alone in the evenings, and would appreciate visitors (if you're in the neighborhood) and phone calls (if you have time).

Thank you everyone,
t.c.

Clarification

Some of y'all seemed to have thought that the picture in the last post was Ephraim.
It wasn't.
It was Kinneret.
For clarification...
This is Kinneret:
This is Ephraim:

This is Kinneret attempting to hold Ephraim in her lap:


As you can see from her smile, she LOVES being a big sister!

I hope this answers any questions left over from the last post.

Three Weeks

A lot changes in three weeks.

On Monday the 5th, I was having irregular contractions that weren't quite painful enough to be the real thing. For some reason, I decided to go get monitored at the Women's Clinic here, and my blood pressure was too high, so the doctor sent me to the hospital to get some blood work done and check for pre-eclampsia.

My mom and I went to the hospital. They monitored me, took my blood pressure, took bodily fluids of various sorts, etc. Then they decided to strip my membranes and send me home.

For those who don't know these things, stripping membranes is roughly like having one's tonsils removed via the cervix. (sorry to those who will have nightmares for the next month...)

This was around 5pm. We drove back to Modiin, picking up Yaakov on the way. We went to my sister's house, where Kinneret was, spent a little time with her, and went home. Yaakov made me dinner, and then it was time to head back to the hospital. It was a bit after 8 when my mom picked me up.

Labor was super-intense. We got to the hospital around 9, and I asked for an epidural. The baby was born at 9:40, before the anesthesiologist got anywhere near me. So once again, despite my best intentions, I had a natural childbirth.

To those who think that's a wonderful thing, I have one thing to say: OW! Giving birth hurts, dammit!

In other news. we named the baby Ephraim Yehoshua. Ephraim is for the verse "Haben yakir li Ephraim" - the son Ephraim is dear to me. Yehoshua is Joshua - the man who led the Jewish people in the conquest of Canaan. Remember the walls of Jericho? That was Yehoshua! So, here we are, looking for a true leader for the Jewish people... We're working on it right here at chez triLcat.

Kinneret was sick the week Ephraim was born, and to top it off, Poofy got into a fight with another dog on Shabbat. They fought right in the stairs of our building - I couldn't even be angry at the other owners for unleashing him - it's indoors... anyway, he couldn't walk, so I took him to the vet.

That was a really fun experience. We packed the two kids into the double stroller, and then we took a broken stroller that Yaakov is planning to take the wheels from and put Poofy in it. We wheeled our two strollers to the vet's house. Thank G-d (and Moti Dror, on Almogan, phone # available on request), the vet was home. He came out despite being in the middle of his morning coffee on a Saturday morning. He looked Poofy over, listened to my story, and gave Poofy a shot of steriods. He told me to take him home and keep him still and bring him back after Shabbat.

The whole afternoon, I spent worrying about Poofy, especially worried that he wouldn't be able to walk anymore and we couldn't keep him if he couldn't stand up by himself. Needless to say, there was much crying. After Shabbos, the vet told me that he expected Poofy to continue healing and that I should give him steriods for the next three days. He gave Poofy another shot, and gave me the rest in pills so I could give him them at home.

The bottom line is that Poofy can walk and run just fine now, but his jumping seems to have been permanently damaged. He can jump onto furniture, but it seems to be harder for him. The upside is that I doubt that he'll be able to get onto the dining room table anymore. On the other hand, I really miss his excited bouncing, and it's sad to watch him trying to analyze the jump before he gets up on a bed when it used to be completely effortless before. I guess it was inevitable. He's ten years old. He was going to slow down at some point. I just wish it hadn't been such a drastic and dramatic event :(

After this, Kinneret was in daycare for about a week, and then she got sick again. She was home for four days this week. That was challenging, to say the least. The doctor wasn't sure if it was herpes (which she'd been exposed to) or hand, foot, and mouth disease. Since herpes is super-dangerous for a child Ephraim's age, I had to keep her from touching him. That was, needless to say, challenging. Fortunately, it turned out to be hand, foot, and mouth disease, which is a much friendlier virus. It's one of those one-shot deals, as opposed to herpes which hangs around forever.

Today, she's finally back at daycare, and I'm trying to get control of the dish situation. I'm so grateful that we have dishwashers! Today feels so relaxed with just one baby who refuses to be put down. Fortunately, I have one of those wrap-up-baby things that you can use to attach a baby to the mommy. Kinneret used to love it, and Ephraim loves it too. I don't have a picture of Ephraim in it, but I'll give you a picture of Kinneret...

So, now I think I've caught up for the past three weeks. Well, pretty much. I'll post some more when I have the energy.