First Post of 2012

I've been so busy writing for other people that my blog has lain desolate... "bloggi sheli lo notarti..."
Anyway, I know you've all been wondering what happened with my diet.

This is kind of sad. No, actually, it's very sad.

I lost 8 kilograms, and then I got stressed, loosened up a bit, and it ALL CAME BACK. ALL of it!
I weigh what I did when I went to Ephraim's birthday party 15 months ago, and looked at those pictures with shock and horror.

I will say that I *think* that I managed to gain some muscle in there, because my clothes still fit better than they did then, and my face doesn't look as puffy (at least to me). So let's say it's like I only gained back 6 of the 8 kilos. It's still awful, miserable. All that progress gone.

So now, I'm on a new plan. I bought this device called a Fitbit, and it monitors how many steps I take, how many flights of stairs I climb, and how much I sleep. On its online dashboard, there's a place to enter all my food and it tracks how many calories I'm allowed. Of course, this all happens right before Pesach... so it's going to be a little touch-and-go for those 8-10 days, but I'm going to try to do my best.

I have so many post ideas percolating in my head, but no time to write. I'm going to try to get back to actually blogging for myself, though. I need it.

Some Thoughts on Dieting

So here are some things I've learned, in no specific order:

1. Never eat anything that doesn't taste good. If I eat a food that doesn't taste good, I feel like I need a do-over for the meal, so I will eat something that does taste good, meaning the first food was just a total waste of calories.

2. Eat things that take a long time to eat. An artichoke is very little food, but it takes forever to eat, so two artichokes takes longer than a meal, leaving me feeling like I ate a very big meal.

3. 100 calories per 100 grams... I aim to eat foods that are 100 calories or less per 100 grams. The fewer calories per 100 grams, the better. I love the yogurt drinks. The melon flavored one is 58 calories per 100 grams. The peanut butter is 111cal/100g. If I drink a 500 ml drink, that's a difference of  265 calories, and I really am just as full. The peanut butter one does satisfy certain cravings though.... It's hard to remind myself how much those calories mean.

4. I eat real sugar. I tried agave, b/c it has a lower glycemic index. Unfortunately, it's less sweet, so you need more, and the calorie count is just as high. Plus it's loads more expensive. Sometimes, I'll use nutrasweet for something, but it does feel like deprivation, and deprivation is a lousy feeling.

5.  I haven't learned to listen to my body yet. I still feel like I'm always hungry or at least could always eat. I almost never feel full because I don't allow myself to eat to that point - though soups help, because if a soup is relatively healthy, I'll allow myself pretty close to unlimited amounts of soup, even if it has lentils or barley in it. 

6. The scale is unreliable. If I weigh myself twice in an hour, it says different numbers...

7. Some of my clothes are already fitting better! 

8. It's been 6 weeks, which feels like a bazillion years, roughly speaking.

9. I don't like fish very much. In the early stages, I tried making fish, but I really didn't like it. 

10. When I drink water through a straw, I drink much much more water. 

Not Everything is on the Internet

Back in the summer of 1996, there was a virtual reality game that you could play at Dizengoff Center. You put on a helmet, held the handle of a 'gun' and hunted your opponent on a platform. I was dating a total geek back then, and the two of us couldn't get enough of it. We kept going back, paying the ten shekel apiece and playing the game, which ran about 5 minutes. The people at the stand got to know us, and they got to know that I used to beat Oren every single time.

So one day at the end of August, we went in, plunked down our cash, and put on the helmets. We played. There was no one watching except the guys manning the booth. There was no line for the game, and the guys manning the booth really wanted Oren to win. We played for 21 minutes. He eventually got one point up on me, and they killed the game.

I staggered out, and we never played again. Today it occurred to me to wonder if that game is still available anywhere, because maybe we could have an online rematch... There's no mention of the game anywhere online, so I can't even find out what it's called. All I know is that it was run on a toaster (Amiga), it ran at Dizengoff Center, and there was a bird who would pluck you off of the platform, but before the bird came, the game would warn you saying "Birdie Hungry....He's Coming."

There is one description of the game, but it doesn't include the name of the game, or where I might find another version of it today.

And W. Industries is listed as working with metals.

Not everything is on the internet.

A FAQ for Those Spending Time with a Pregnant Woman

Q: The pregnant woman appears to be eating quite a lot. When should I stop her?
A: When she starts eating your vital organs, you may suggest something else instead.

Q: When can I tell a pregnant woman that she's gaining too much weight?
A: When you have a death wish.

Q: If I'm out and I see a woman who I think is pregnant, what should I do?
A: If you don't see a baby coming out of her, keep your mouth shut.

Q: When is it appropriate to touch a pregnant woman's belly?
A: Unless you're her OB/GYN or her husband, only if you're invited to.

Q: Why do pregnant women glow?
A: It's called sweat. The little person inside of them functions as a heater.

Q: What should I do if my pregnant wife wants the house cooled below freezing?
A: Buy yourself an extra blanket. Or take hers. She likely won't notice.

Q: But won't that cost a lot in electricity?
A: You're about to have a kid. Electricity is nothing compared to a college education.

Q: My pregnant wife is crying. Why?
A: While it's probably somehow your fault, a pint of Ben & Jerry's might help.

My Latest Concept

Here's my latest idea that would make me rich if I could build it, program it, patent it, and market it...

A Wifi baby monitor. Here's how it would work. You plug in the baby monitor next to baby. If baby makes too much noise, then everyone on your LAN would receive an alert saying "baby is crying."

It would then open a chat window so that all the members of the household who are awake and online could debate whose turn it is to get the baby.

This is absolutely necessary in my home, since Yaakov watches his movies or plays his piano with earphones while I listen to music with earphones while I work at night.

Something's Happening...

I haven't posted in over a month. Sorry about that folks. I've kind of been in a not-so-bloggy place lately.

First the big news - I'm pregnant! I'm due Jan 9th or thereabouts. Part of the reason I haven't blogged is because at first, I was having really bad doubts about this pregnancy. I had pains that I thought might mean it was ectopic, and I just had weird emotional stuff that didn't let me believe it was ok.

Then I went to a doctor who I decided I don't like so much, and he almost refused to do an ultrasound. I basically had to tell him that I thought it might be ectopic. He refused to take a measurement, so I almost missed my chance to do a neuchal translucency. Fortunately, that was taken care of, and the numbers are good.

Lately, I've just been extremely tired, and while I have a lot to say, I don't seem to be able to organize it into a blog post.

And then, Kinneret turned one!

She's so sweet. Here's a picture of her enjoying her new tricycle (a gift from Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ohad & family).
Also visible is Poofy, who is a big fan of Kinneret's newest trick - giving all of her food to the dog instead of eating it. Fortunately, she does seem to be getting enough into her mouth - her face has thinned out some, but she still has baby-folds in her arms and legs!

In other exciting news, Rachel Inbar has moved her blog to here.

New on the blogroll is Chez Perky, with 1 midi perky and 3 mini perkies for four times the perkiness of the other leading blog!

DrSavta (and RabbiSaba) are doing a coast-to-coast tour of the USA.

A Mother in Israel is way more ambitious than I'd ever be. She's even washing her floor!

And that's pretty much all the news for right now... so stay tuned for the next exciting adventure of.... trrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiLcat!

Why I Can't Keep up with the Laundry

7am

It begins in the morning. Kinneret is wearing the clothes she slept in. Her diaper is blessedly still holding. I change the diaper and feed her a bottle without mishap. I'm wearing my pj's, because I don't have to go out yet.

Yaakov has dumped his yesterday's clothes, undershirt, etc on the floor. I dutifully pick up the socks (which aren't actually standing up on their own, so all is well).

8am
Today's a sheet-changing day, so I strip the beds. N0 problem.

9am
Kinneret eats a yogurt for breakfast. She cooperates. There's not even a lot of yogurt on the bib.


10am
Naptime. I've finished the first load of laundry, including folding. Neither Kinneret nor I have changed clothes. We're doing great!

I take the silk blanket off of Yaakov's bed, fold it, put it away. He hasn't used a blanket in about 4 weeks. Heck, he's already complained that the flannel sheet I gave him instead of a blanket is too darned hot, even with the fan on.

I put clean sheets on the beds. We don't have enough pillowcases, so we'll have to wait for them to come back from the machine later.

12pm
Kinneret needs lunch. Great. There's some baked sweet potato in the fridge. I mush up the inside and warm it up, and Kinneret digs in. Literally. With both hands. Much of it ends up in her mouth. Also much of it ends up in her outfit and on the bib.

1pm
change Kinneret's clothes. Into the pile they go. Cuddle some. Kinneret is tired, so she goes for a nap.
Put away clothes, realize that the next wash isn't in yet. Uh-oh. Put in the next wash.

4pm
Poofy needs a walk, and Kinneret could use some air too. Great! We'll go see how the new train station is coming along. I change into clothes (yes, still in pajamas up until this point.) Pajamas could do with a wash... into the pile they go.

4:30pm
We go towards the train station. After Kinneret's hat takes a few trips to the sidewalk, it goes under the stroller. Train station is not currently stroller-accessible. We'll have to take a look next week maybe.

4:45pm
There are loads and loads of ladybugs! They're really pretty. We count over 25, including 4 pairs in the process of "pairing up."

5pm
We get home, and Kinneret is hungry. I give her a bottle of milk which she downs in 2 seconds flat.

5:05pm
I pick Kinneret up because she looks like she needs a burp. She becomes a fountain. That bottle of milk... well, it's on the floor (and her, and me) now.
Change all of my clothes, get back into pajamas. Give Kinneret a bath, changing her clothes again. (and of course, when I went to get her into the bath, the diaper was dirty.)

7:30pm
I have an appointment. My mom comes over while I put Kinneret to bed, and then I get ready for my appointment (getting into new clothes). Pajama top is sweaty. Into the pile.

8:30pm
I come home, realize that I look like a wreck and want to look nice for Yaakov. Shower. Change into something nicer. Previous clothes were sweaty. Into the pile.

9:30pm
Yaakov helps me finish making the bed. Poofy promptly gets in... great. Doggy sheets.

10pm
Bedtime. Change into pajamas. Previous clothes can actually go back into the closet. this time.

Curiousity Gagged the Cat

I was in a shop recently when I saw a product called Sappe. It's a drink which is kind of in the flavored-water category. That is, less sweet than juice and with no color. What's unique about Sappe is that it has cubes of aloe vera in it. I asked the shopkeeper whether he'd gotten any feedback on this new and interesting drink, which comes in a very appealing bottle. He said it's wonderful. So I shelled out my eight shekels (a bit over $2 for those of you keeping score in the US), and bought this drink. The apple-water part was fine, though not as good as the Neviot plus Apple water that I love. Then I got my first aloe vera cube.

Let me tell you folks. Aloe vera is great for cuts and scrapes. It moistens the skin. It's fantastic for burns and sunburns. It tastes TERRIBLE! When I looked up the supposed benefits, the only one that is confirmed is that it's a mild laxative... Nobody mentioned that it could also be an emetic... ugh!

However, curiosity remains rampant in the little walnut that passes for my brain. A while ago, I had blood work that showed that my body hasn't fully replenished the iron supply since K was born, so a doctor recommended that I go back to taking an iron-folic acid supplement.

The one that my kuppa (health fund) produces and promotes is called folliferrin and comes in gelcaps.

You guessed it. I had to bite in and taste it. UGH! It tasted like very concentrated RUST (which may be what it is). It actually made me throw up. I'm not the type to be put off by anything, but this was... oh boy... big mistake. EWWWWW. I have learned my lesson.

Now I just want to find out what happens when I lick the pump handle on a snowy day...

Going Out of My Head

Because of my sister's blog and blogroll, I've gotten to know about support networks through the blogosphere, but I'm not infertile (or at least Kinneret doesn't think so).

I'm just having a never-ending headache. I don't know where to get support for that, or for the depression I experience EVERY morning when I wake up and the pain is still there full force.

I have great friends who give me all kinds of moral support, but none of them know what this feels like. They can't understand what it's like to have my head hurt and my baby screaming and know that I'm not being the kind of mother I want to be. And have it continue day after day.

It's impossible to put into words how I felt when I had to tell the woman I work for that I need to take some time off. This means putting off getting a car even longer, since we can't afford one without my salary. I haven't been able to take driving lessons, which means I'm still far away from getting my license.

I haven't been able to keep up with the basics like laundry. I consider it an achievement that I manage to keep the baby washed and in clean diapers.

I feel like this headache has taken over my life and everything that means anything to me is disappearing into the ether. Yaakov is running out of patience for me. My mom is downright sick of me. My friends need me to be there for them in other, important ways. I keep pushing to keep going through the pain, but it's getting harder and harder.

I've now been to two neurologists, one of whom was very thorough, but didn't have any particularly helpful ideas for stopping my pain. He gave me one medication while I was at his office - it's a fast-acting medication that you're supposed to take while experiencing the aura. So I did. And on the way home, I felt intense burning and pressure in my head.

great
so I took the other medication he recommended. In extremely high doses, it seems to ease the pain slightly. slightly.

I'm really starting to lose it. I don't know what to do.

Waking Up for Kinneret

I didn't feel this way the first three months, but now, I actually kind of enjoy waking up for Kinneret in the night. It's a sweet time.

She wakes up once or twice a night. If it's before 1am, I give her water, hold her for a while, and ease her back into bed. After 1am, I give her a bottle of milk. (If you look at my previous posts, you'll see I had nursing problems. I finally gave up after two months of misery on both our parts, and thank G-d, she is doing well on formula.) She drinks it down so fast, it's almost amusing, but her whole body is relaxed, just her mouth working on the bottle.

She lies in my arms, completely calm, warm, soft. This is our moment, in the still of the night. I think that when she sleeps through until morning, I might miss it.

Defragmentation

Have you ever run a disk defrag on your hard disk? When you did, did you watch what it showed you?

Once, I defragmented my hard disk, and watched, mesmerized. The defrag utility takes bits of files that have gotten spread out all over the disk and puts them together. It clears away parts of deleted files that have been left there. It opens the space for new files, new information.

A few nights ago, while I was lying in my bed, my overtired brain started coughing up partial images, bad thoughts, bad memories, and random pieces of television shows that I've watched. I started to ponder - what would it be like if I could defrag my brain?

Could I delete the crystal clear image of a mother beating her child in Ganei Hataarucha in Tel Aviv some 20 years ago? Could I replace it with the periodic table of elements? That would come in handier than that image that haunts me sometimes.

How about the memory of being trapped in a foot locker? Could I replace that with something more pleasant? Say the memory of picking blueberries with my sister?

And how about this tiny segment of a memory that I have of being in a giant tent? I can't figure out if it's from a trip I took when I was 14 or one I took while I was in college. All I have is a few faint images.

And what about people who went through serious trauma, like the holocaust? Why can't G-d just pre-load a defrag utility onto us?

How did I get here?

Sometimes, I'm not sure who I am. I mean, yes, I know my name. But sometimes, I look in the mirror and I'm confused as to how I got to be where I am.

Interestingly enough, when I started high school, my dream was to live in Israel, and be married and have a baby and cover my hair...

And that's where I am now.

But somewhere in the middle, I stepped off of that path. I became someone who got her friends to draw all over her jeans and then wore them in public. I went to dance parties with trance music (except I had to leave because the trance stuff makes me feel like my head's about to explode). I went to outdoor rock concerts and danced with men I'd never met. I learned all the words to the Israeli songs so I could sing along at the concerts with everyone else. I bought an incredibly short sleeveless dress, and wore it outside. Of course, I walked around feeling entirely naked, but it was kind of a liberating feeling. Of course, it was loose and no one even bothered to give me an appreciative glance, but hey, I felt undressed.

A bit over a year ago, I went to a concert in the Sultan's Pool with friends, and one of my favorite bands, Tipex (also called Teapacks) played. I jumped up and down and screamed like any other excited fan, and I got the STRANGEST looks. I guess it's just not normal for a woman in a long skirt with a head-covering to jump around like a teenager.

The last time I was at a concert was May. Considering that I gave birth in the end of June, I didn't have to be reminded not to jump. Kinneret did enough jumping for both of us - of course, I didn't know she was Kinneret at the time.

All this is to say that I'm not sure what really is me. Am I really the woman with the manicured nails and the wedding band and the long skirt and the frumpy head-coverings? Or am I the girl in the painted jeans? Can I be both? If I am the religious woman, how much of that other part of me do I have to give up? And what if sometimes it's too much? What if listening to a concert on the radio and dancing in my living room just isn't enough?

Those moments, being that other person, they made me feel alive in a way that is totally different from what I feel in my current life. I know that life isn't meant to be skydiving and dance parties. And I know that I've been to incredible juggling festivals. And of course, nothing in that world could ever compare to the feelings I have for Yaakov and Kinneret. No rock concert can compare to the beauty of having my baby's fingers wrapped around my own finger.

Would I trade my life now for that life? Absolutely not. But sometimes I wonder if I really have to let go of all of it to get to where I am now.