An Israeli War Song

This is a song written years and years ago. It was remade this year, and it still rings true.

After the attack on Ashkelon yesterday, it seems very much like we're at war, whether the government says so or not. The translation follows the Hebrew.

האם את בוכה או צוחקת?

פגז אחרון התפוצץ ושתק,
עטפה הדממה את העמק.
ילדה בגדות יצאה ממקלט,
ואין בתים עוד במשק.
אמא, היה לנו בית ירוק
עם אבא ובובה ושסק.
הבית איננו, ואבא רחוק,
אימי את בוכה או צוחקת?

הביטי למעלה, בתי, אל ההר,
ההר שהיה כמפלצת.
עוד יש תותחים, ילדתי, על ההר,
אך הם מאיימים על דמשק.

הביטי למעלה, בתי, לגולן,
שם יש חיילים, אך להבא -
דגלם בצבעים של כחול ולבן,
בוכה וצוחק שם גם אבא.
יהיה לנו בית ירוק, ילדתי,
עם אבא ובובה ושסק,
ולא עוד אימה, ילדתי, ילדתי,
בתי, את בוכה או צוחקת?

שקיעות באדום וזריחות בזהב
פוגשות בירוק ובמים.
ובלי תותחים של אויב על ההר
יוריק עוד העמק כפליים.

זורם הירדן, מתפתל כשיכור,
פריחה את העמק נושקת.
ואיש לא יסב את מימיו לאחור,
בתי, את בוכה או צוחקת.
זורם הירדן, בין גדות יעבור,
פריחה את העמק נושקת,
ואיש לא יסב את מימיו לאחור,
בתי, את בוכה או צוחקת.
בתי, את בוכה או צוחקת.


Are You Crying or Laughing?

The last shell exploded and was quiet
The valley was wrapped in silence
A girl in [Kibbutz]Gadot left the shelter
And there are no more houses in the farm

"Mom, we had a green house
with Dad and a doll and a loquat [tree]
The house is gone and Daddy is far
Mom are you crying or laughing?"

"Look up, my daughter, at the mountain
The mountain that was like a monster
There are still cannons, my child, on the mountain,
But they threaten Damascus

"Look up, my daughter, to the Golan,
There are soldiers there, but from now on -
Their flag is colored blue and white,
Up there, Dad is crying and laughing too
We'll have a green house, my little girl,
With Daddy and a doll and a loquat
And no more fear, my girl, my girl
My daughter are you crying or laughing?

"Sunsets in red and sunrises in gold
Meet in the green and the water.
And without enemy cannons on the mountain
The valley will be twice as green.

"The Jordan flows, turning like a drunkard
The flowers of the valley it kisses
And no one will turn its waters back
My daughter, are you crying or laughing?
The Jordan flows, through [Kibbutz] Gadot it passes
The flowers of the valley it kisses
And no one will turn its waters back
My daughter, are you crying or laughing?
My daughter, are you crying or laughing?"

How did I get here?

Sometimes, I'm not sure who I am. I mean, yes, I know my name. But sometimes, I look in the mirror and I'm confused as to how I got to be where I am.

Interestingly enough, when I started high school, my dream was to live in Israel, and be married and have a baby and cover my hair...

And that's where I am now.

But somewhere in the middle, I stepped off of that path. I became someone who got her friends to draw all over her jeans and then wore them in public. I went to dance parties with trance music (except I had to leave because the trance stuff makes me feel like my head's about to explode). I went to outdoor rock concerts and danced with men I'd never met. I learned all the words to the Israeli songs so I could sing along at the concerts with everyone else. I bought an incredibly short sleeveless dress, and wore it outside. Of course, I walked around feeling entirely naked, but it was kind of a liberating feeling. Of course, it was loose and no one even bothered to give me an appreciative glance, but hey, I felt undressed.

A bit over a year ago, I went to a concert in the Sultan's Pool with friends, and one of my favorite bands, Tipex (also called Teapacks) played. I jumped up and down and screamed like any other excited fan, and I got the STRANGEST looks. I guess it's just not normal for a woman in a long skirt with a head-covering to jump around like a teenager.

The last time I was at a concert was May. Considering that I gave birth in the end of June, I didn't have to be reminded not to jump. Kinneret did enough jumping for both of us - of course, I didn't know she was Kinneret at the time.

All this is to say that I'm not sure what really is me. Am I really the woman with the manicured nails and the wedding band and the long skirt and the frumpy head-coverings? Or am I the girl in the painted jeans? Can I be both? If I am the religious woman, how much of that other part of me do I have to give up? And what if sometimes it's too much? What if listening to a concert on the radio and dancing in my living room just isn't enough?

Those moments, being that other person, they made me feel alive in a way that is totally different from what I feel in my current life. I know that life isn't meant to be skydiving and dance parties. And I know that I've been to incredible juggling festivals. And of course, nothing in that world could ever compare to the feelings I have for Yaakov and Kinneret. No rock concert can compare to the beauty of having my baby's fingers wrapped around my own finger.

Would I trade my life now for that life? Absolutely not. But sometimes I wonder if I really have to let go of all of it to get to where I am now.

Yaakov Plays Kinneret an Irish Ballad