Hold the Hijab, Please

I noticed myself ranting and raving over in Mother In Israel's blog comments. Over the course of several posts, she translates (and comments on) the Maariv article, Neshot HaRealah (women of the veil). The article discusses a disturbing new cult in which a "rebbetzin" (I put it in quotes because I've heard no evidence that her husband is a rabbi) wears ten layers and covers her face with a veil for the purpose of modesty.

People all over the Jewish blogging world (Mother In Israel has a list here) are taking a stand on the subject. Instead of leaving my comments on every single blog out there, here are my feelings...

The "rebbetzin" has said that women should cover their whole body, including the face, and she (for 'religious' reasons) does not speak except for four hours a week. She rarely goes out, and encourages her followers not to speak to men, get into a taxi driven by a man, or even go into a shop when there is a man inside.

Here's my main argument:

Judaism is about living in harmony with the world, not about living outside it.

Throughout the Torah, we are told how to experience but harness our animalistic side. We are supposed to taste the food, but make a bracha (blessing) to remember where it came from. We are supposed to enjoy making love, but only with our spouse. Even if we fall in love with a captive of war, we may marry her, but only when we are convinced that it is true love and not the heat of the moment.

We're supposed to search for the balance and the way to make even the most mundane things spiritually holy.

Putting my baby to bed at night is made holy by saying shema for her. Waking my husband in the morning is made holy by washing hands and helping him get organized to put on tfillin. My husband's work in a mundane job is made holy by the tzedaka he gives from his salary, and the home that he supports. Even my husband's hobby of juggling is made holy by the fact that he uses it to entertain sick children, to bring joy to Purim at our shul, and for sukkot to remind people of the simchat beit hashoeva.

Even grocery shopping is holy when you think about your Shabbat table, the guests you want to please, and the joy you bring to your spouse by preparing something they like.

Heck, even going to the bathroom is part of a holy ritual in which we give thanks to G-d for making our bodies function as they should!

So please, "rebbetzin" stop hiding from the world, and learn to live in it.

Quick Update

People seem to be worrying about my head. Thanks, people. It's much better, b/c of the Maronil (Anafronil). It still hurts most of the time, but at a livable level. There should be results from my EEG, but I haven't heard from the doctor who should have the results.

I have an appointment with her in two weeks, but I think I'll ask my doctor to give her a call. I don't think she'll speak to me, but she'll speak to him, and I really think that two weeks is a long time to wait for test results that have already been processed.

In other news, Kinneret and Yaakov both have colds. I took Kinneret to the doctor today, and he said not to worry too much. So we put a humidifier in her room to help her breathe more easily, and we're just going to wait it out.

These days, doctors don't give any symptomatic relief for cold symptoms for children under 2, because some new research showed that it could be dangerous... so poor Kinneret is miserable. I hope she gets better soon!

And finally, I'm now swimming 56 lengths (1.4km) each time I swim, and I'm down 4.5 kilograms!

Could be Better

After a week of relative calm on the head front, today I was dizzy and headachey and had trouble focusing my eyes.

My EEG has been rescheduled for Sunday, next week. Just means more time until we can give a guess at what's going on. I'm quite frustrated, needless to say.

I have to wait two days to even find out when my MRI is.
I haven't called Rabbi Firrer yet. I just don't... I don't know what I'd even ask at this point.

Thanks everyone for the continuing good wishes.

t.c.

Goodman Look-alike Meter

Everyone keeps telling us that Kinneret looks just like Yaakov or just like me. They can't seem to make up their (collective) minds. Well, folks, I guess that everybody's right. Or everybody's wrong?

All I know for sure is that she's CUTE!

Update on My Head

Just a quick update.
My head is feeling somewhat better.
I saw a new neuro on Sunday, and will be having my EEG on Monday next week.
I'm awaiting approval for an MRI.
What joy.

7 Weird Things About Me Meme

1. I have hyperflexibility, which means that even when I don't exercise, I can touch my toes to my forehead.

2. I started using email when I was 10, back in 1988.

3. For about a year in high school, I walked around talking to my deceased friend in my head. I sometimes thought he answered me, and once or twice I even felt him. Sometimes, I still wonder if it was all in my mind. I mean, logic says it is, but I really felt something back then.

4. I have nightmares about being trapped underwater or in places with very small openings. I'm not afraid of elevators or other "ordinary" small places. I did have to leave the heart exhibit at the Franklin Institute though - I wasn't 100% sure I could fit through all the tunnels while pregnant and it scared me a bit. I also get upset when I can't get off jewelry or clothes.

5. I didn't pay much attention to my body ever, and still don't. I found out that I was fat because I saw myself in a picture and suddenly I realized I was fat. In the mirror, I still looked ok to me.

6. I don't use woodcase pencils because I'm too tempted to chew on them. I only like 1.1mm lead mechanical pencils. (normal is .7 or .5)

7. I once went to a palm reader. She was wrong about everything she said about me.

I think I'm not gonna tag anyone, but if you want to do it, feel free.

Curiousity Gagged the Cat

I was in a shop recently when I saw a product called Sappe. It's a drink which is kind of in the flavored-water category. That is, less sweet than juice and with no color. What's unique about Sappe is that it has cubes of aloe vera in it. I asked the shopkeeper whether he'd gotten any feedback on this new and interesting drink, which comes in a very appealing bottle. He said it's wonderful. So I shelled out my eight shekels (a bit over $2 for those of you keeping score in the US), and bought this drink. The apple-water part was fine, though not as good as the Neviot plus Apple water that I love. Then I got my first aloe vera cube.

Let me tell you folks. Aloe vera is great for cuts and scrapes. It moistens the skin. It's fantastic for burns and sunburns. It tastes TERRIBLE! When I looked up the supposed benefits, the only one that is confirmed is that it's a mild laxative... Nobody mentioned that it could also be an emetic... ugh!

However, curiosity remains rampant in the little walnut that passes for my brain. A while ago, I had blood work that showed that my body hasn't fully replenished the iron supply since K was born, so a doctor recommended that I go back to taking an iron-folic acid supplement.

The one that my kuppa (health fund) produces and promotes is called folliferrin and comes in gelcaps.

You guessed it. I had to bite in and taste it. UGH! It tasted like very concentrated RUST (which may be what it is). It actually made me throw up. I'm not the type to be put off by anything, but this was... oh boy... big mistake. EWWWWW. I have learned my lesson.

Now I just want to find out what happens when I lick the pump handle on a snowy day...

There's no Place Like Home... Which is Where I Am

So I'm back home already.

That's the good news. Now for the less good news.

They didn't do *ANYTHING*. I mean, they took my blood pressure and temp, and they drew some blood and ran some tests, but they didn't do anything I haven't had done in the past ten days.

They did recommend maronil, a medication from the tricyclic antidepressant group - which is the same group as the pamelor that Ladyhawke mentioned in my last post's comments. The less nifty part of that is that there's no guarantee it'll work, and it will take at least a week before I could possibly feel any improvement.

I went back to my doctor this evening (after spending 6 hours in the E.R. at Ein Kerem, most of which were spent waiting for the neurologist.) and he is looking into finding me a good neurologist that I can see on my health plan. Unfortunately, it'll probably be someone in Jerusalem, but at least it'll be someone... The neuro here in Modiin is a disaster!!!!

So in the meantime, I'm back on the paracetamol/codeine/caffeine medication and waiting again for the doctor to call...

Prayers are really welcome.
Leah Gavriela Bat Raizel Chaya

Heading 'em Off...

see edit at the bottom:

It appears that I will be checking into a hospital tomorrow morning.

I'm waiting to hear from my doctor to find out which hospital he recommends.

I'm guessing most likely Shaarei Tzedek, but not sure at this point.

If you want to be in touch, you can call my cell-phone. If you don't have the number, ask my mom over at drsavta. I will probably be offline until I get home :(

prayers are welcome - Leah Gavriela bat Raizel Chaya

edit: I am adding my sister and a friend to those authorized to blog, so if there's news, one of them will post. I also unmoderated comments (please no spam!) so ya'll can post comments while I'm away.

thanks,
t.c.

Off the Top of My Head

Edit: The doctor never called :(

Hi Folks,
Thanks for all the good wishes.

Today, I went to the doctor (my primary care physician), and he gave me percocet. Guess what? My head still hurts.

I went to the gym, mostly b/c it gives me a way to put Kinneret into someone else's hands for an hour or so. The babysitting service there seems nice enough.

I was about to change into my gym clothes when my mom's friend came in. I know her pretty well, b/c she runs my book club, and because her dog Pushkin is friends with my dog Poofy. Anyway, she asked me how I am, and I burst out crying.

I went swimming - did 50 lengths, 1.25 Kilometers. (a mile is 1.6)

Felt reasonable most of the way home, and then the pain came back
Fortunately, K slept for almost 2 hours when we got home. Then she got up and screamed for a while. I gave her a bath, dressed her, and then she screamed some more. I couldn't calm her down in any way and I didn't have it in me to pack her in my wrap and go for a walk (which would have calmed her).

Then Yaakov came home & got her to sleep. And now I'm waiting for the doctor to call...

So here's the story about my head:
1. Hormones - I'm not on hormonal b.c. at the moment, b/c it's always a prime suspect. If I get pregnant, it's the fault of everyone who mentioned problems with hormonal birth control!

2. Acupuncture - I had one treatment which seemed to help. Unfortunately, Yaakov doesn't really believe in it, so he's not keen on it. More unfortunately, 8 treatments (which is about the minimum I could imagine needing in the next while) would cost us more than a month's rent. We simply can't afford it.

3. Ezra Lamarpe - I will give them a call. Thanks for the suggestion.

Meantime, a friend invited us for a special meal in which everyone makes the blessings out loud and everyone says "amen" and this is supposed to be a very powerful prayer thing. My mom and I had me in mind. G-d always answers prayers. Sometimes he says no.

My neighbor's cousin got married this week and they're having one of the "seven blessings" meals at their house now, so I'm sending Yaakov over to ask for the bride & groom to bless me.

Where we're at now - I'm waiting for my doctor to call with a plan of action. Current possibilities are either to proceed with the neurologist's call for an EEG (which I might end up having to pay for out-of-pocket...) or to have my doctor request a hospitalization for me.

I'm torn about the second option. On the one hand, it seems like the best bet for finding a solution - I will be able to have all the tests in a short time without waiting for health fund approval, appointments at various clinics, etc. It'll mean a lot less running around, especially for my mom, who is starting to feel like a taxi driver. And hopefully, it'll mean an answer sooner.

On the other hand, it'll mean being away from Kinneret, and I will miss her so much. It'll also mean much more work for Yaakov - He'll have to take over all the stuff I do, and I imagine he'll be surprised at how much I do even with constant headaches. He should be able to get the time off as "family sick" time, so work shouldn't be a problem.

But now, I'm just waiting for the phone to ring, and gradually losing hope as it gets ever closer to 9pm and the time I expected the doctor to call by...

I'll be bursting into tears right about now.

me

Going Out of My Head

Because of my sister's blog and blogroll, I've gotten to know about support networks through the blogosphere, but I'm not infertile (or at least Kinneret doesn't think so).

I'm just having a never-ending headache. I don't know where to get support for that, or for the depression I experience EVERY morning when I wake up and the pain is still there full force.

I have great friends who give me all kinds of moral support, but none of them know what this feels like. They can't understand what it's like to have my head hurt and my baby screaming and know that I'm not being the kind of mother I want to be. And have it continue day after day.

It's impossible to put into words how I felt when I had to tell the woman I work for that I need to take some time off. This means putting off getting a car even longer, since we can't afford one without my salary. I haven't been able to take driving lessons, which means I'm still far away from getting my license.

I haven't been able to keep up with the basics like laundry. I consider it an achievement that I manage to keep the baby washed and in clean diapers.

I feel like this headache has taken over my life and everything that means anything to me is disappearing into the ether. Yaakov is running out of patience for me. My mom is downright sick of me. My friends need me to be there for them in other, important ways. I keep pushing to keep going through the pain, but it's getting harder and harder.

I've now been to two neurologists, one of whom was very thorough, but didn't have any particularly helpful ideas for stopping my pain. He gave me one medication while I was at his office - it's a fast-acting medication that you're supposed to take while experiencing the aura. So I did. And on the way home, I felt intense burning and pressure in my head.

great
so I took the other medication he recommended. In extremely high doses, it seems to ease the pain slightly. slightly.

I'm really starting to lose it. I don't know what to do.

Waking Up for Kinneret

I didn't feel this way the first three months, but now, I actually kind of enjoy waking up for Kinneret in the night. It's a sweet time.

She wakes up once or twice a night. If it's before 1am, I give her water, hold her for a while, and ease her back into bed. After 1am, I give her a bottle of milk. (If you look at my previous posts, you'll see I had nursing problems. I finally gave up after two months of misery on both our parts, and thank G-d, she is doing well on formula.) She drinks it down so fast, it's almost amusing, but her whole body is relaxed, just her mouth working on the bottle.

She lies in my arms, completely calm, warm, soft. This is our moment, in the still of the night. I think that when she sleeps through until morning, I might miss it.

Kinneret and Shlomit

Last week, we received a package from Shlomo, Kinneret's big brother, with a doll for Kinneret.

Today, as I was taking Kinneret out in the rain, I had trouble telling Kinneret and Shlomit (the new doll, note how original the name is...) apart.



Sorry about the quality. It was taken on my phone. But doncha just LOVE the ears?