Defragmentation

Have you ever run a disk defrag on your hard disk? When you did, did you watch what it showed you?

Once, I defragmented my hard disk, and watched, mesmerized. The defrag utility takes bits of files that have gotten spread out all over the disk and puts them together. It clears away parts of deleted files that have been left there. It opens the space for new files, new information.

A few nights ago, while I was lying in my bed, my overtired brain started coughing up partial images, bad thoughts, bad memories, and random pieces of television shows that I've watched. I started to ponder - what would it be like if I could defrag my brain?

Could I delete the crystal clear image of a mother beating her child in Ganei Hataarucha in Tel Aviv some 20 years ago? Could I replace it with the periodic table of elements? That would come in handier than that image that haunts me sometimes.

How about the memory of being trapped in a foot locker? Could I replace that with something more pleasant? Say the memory of picking blueberries with my sister?

And how about this tiny segment of a memory that I have of being in a giant tent? I can't figure out if it's from a trip I took when I was 14 or one I took while I was in college. All I have is a few faint images.

And what about people who went through serious trauma, like the holocaust? Why can't G-d just pre-load a defrag utility onto us?

How did I get here?

Sometimes, I'm not sure who I am. I mean, yes, I know my name. But sometimes, I look in the mirror and I'm confused as to how I got to be where I am.

Interestingly enough, when I started high school, my dream was to live in Israel, and be married and have a baby and cover my hair...

And that's where I am now.

But somewhere in the middle, I stepped off of that path. I became someone who got her friends to draw all over her jeans and then wore them in public. I went to dance parties with trance music (except I had to leave because the trance stuff makes me feel like my head's about to explode). I went to outdoor rock concerts and danced with men I'd never met. I learned all the words to the Israeli songs so I could sing along at the concerts with everyone else. I bought an incredibly short sleeveless dress, and wore it outside. Of course, I walked around feeling entirely naked, but it was kind of a liberating feeling. Of course, it was loose and no one even bothered to give me an appreciative glance, but hey, I felt undressed.

A bit over a year ago, I went to a concert in the Sultan's Pool with friends, and one of my favorite bands, Tipex (also called Teapacks) played. I jumped up and down and screamed like any other excited fan, and I got the STRANGEST looks. I guess it's just not normal for a woman in a long skirt with a head-covering to jump around like a teenager.

The last time I was at a concert was May. Considering that I gave birth in the end of June, I didn't have to be reminded not to jump. Kinneret did enough jumping for both of us - of course, I didn't know she was Kinneret at the time.

All this is to say that I'm not sure what really is me. Am I really the woman with the manicured nails and the wedding band and the long skirt and the frumpy head-coverings? Or am I the girl in the painted jeans? Can I be both? If I am the religious woman, how much of that other part of me do I have to give up? And what if sometimes it's too much? What if listening to a concert on the radio and dancing in my living room just isn't enough?

Those moments, being that other person, they made me feel alive in a way that is totally different from what I feel in my current life. I know that life isn't meant to be skydiving and dance parties. And I know that I've been to incredible juggling festivals. And of course, nothing in that world could ever compare to the feelings I have for Yaakov and Kinneret. No rock concert can compare to the beauty of having my baby's fingers wrapped around my own finger.

Would I trade my life now for that life? Absolutely not. But sometimes I wonder if I really have to let go of all of it to get to where I am now.

Call the Moon?

copied from PR Web.
What will they think of next?

Google's Moon Prize Upped by YouNeverCall Online Cell Phone Store

Online Cell Phone Superstore YouNeverCall has added an additional prize to Google's recently announced prize for landing a spacecraft on the Moon. YouNeverCall offers $10,000 to the first company to successfully place a cellular phone call from the moon.

Los Angeles, California (PRWEB) September 21, 2007 -- YouNeverCall Inc. the popular online cell phone superstore (http://www.younevercall.com), today announced a $10,000 prize award for the first cell phone call placed from the moon.


This announcement follows on the coattails of Google's (http://www.google.com) announcement of $30M in prize money for landing a craft on the moon by Dec. 31, 2014. YouNeverCall has decided to allow a few more days to place the first cell phone call from the moon and so the deadline has been set for January 7, 2015 - which is a Wednesday.

In order to claim the $10,000 prize a cell phone call must be placed by a device or person present on the Moon's surface. This call must pass through a commercially available cellular phone to YouNeverCall's corporate headquarters in Los Angeles, CA. The call may travel via any protocol or compression before reaching our offices, and it must be possible to for the caller to answer a few yes/no questions correctly. Like Google, YouNeverCall is offering a lesser prize for companies who achieve a related but lesser goal. YouNeverCall is offering a $500 prize to the first SMS message that travels via the moon and lands on one of our corporate cell phones (http://www.younevercall.com). Furthermore, the company is offering a $100 bounty to the first party who receives a cell phone call on the Moon that rings using the infamous Crazy Frog Ringtone.

While Google's goal is to cause excitement around renewed space exploration, YouNeverCall aims to extend Google's mission by introducing a new facet. "We feel that by challenging the scientific community with performing an everyday task on the moon, we are going a step further than Google. While the journey itself may be the destination in some sense - we think doing something useful once you get there will also add a little something," said Sam Michelson, VP Marketing for YouNeverCall.

YouNeverCall reminds readers that use of cell phones outside of one's calling area may incur steep roaming charges.

About YouNeverCall
YouNeverCall was launched in 2003 to provide great communication solutions with 'extreme customer service'. At over 250,000 monthly visitors, YouNeverCall's online cell phone stores offer over 150 models of the latest cell phones for AT&T (Cingular), Verizon, T-Mobile, Sprint and Nextel. YouNeverCall also offers cell phone shopping assistance around the clock via phone. To experience YouNeverCall for yourself, go to http://www.younevercall.com

###

Press Contact: Sam Michelson
Company Name: YouNeverCall
Email Us Here: http://www.prweb.com/emailmember.php?prid=555228
Phone: (323) 988-9678
Website: http://www.younevercall.com

Yaakov Plays Kinneret an Irish Ballad

Getting it off my Breast... err.. Chest

Sometimes I feel like having a baby makes your private life no longer private. And I don't mean the fact that the baby is with you all the time. Sure, that makes for a challenge with the intimacy, but that's really okay with me. I can meet challenges.

What I don't like is the fact that other people, strangers, suddenly feel that because they can assume you've had sex (by the fact that you're pregnant, a parent, etc) they now have the right to intrude on your whole life.

It starts with the pregnancy. People feel like they have the right to touch a woman's pregnant belly as if it were public property. I literally had to tell a man to "back off" my belly. And of course, everyone has to ask what you're having. And if you don't tell them, then they tell you. (Just for the record, everyone told me I was having a boy.)

You'd hope that they'd quit once the belly is gone, but no... they find new ways to intrude. First, they touch the baby without permission, sometimes with dirty hands, sometimes while smoking. I try to keep Kinneret away from smokers... Oh, and you gotta love the people who want to touch her while she's sleeping! Hello? Would you like it if someone decided to prod you in your sleep? She's a baby, not a puppy, for heaven's sake!

The other way that they intrude is the ever-present question of "Are you breastfeeding?"

Here's the answer: "Sorta"

Usually, I try to keep my private business, well, private, or at least off of this blog. But the situation has gotten out of hand. I'm attacked with the question so often that it just drives me bonkers.

Here's the story.

When I was in the hospital after an excellent delivery, I had little success latching Kinneret on. I tried and tried, but I never heard a swallow. Right before I was released, the lactation consultant at the hospital tried to help me, and we were able to get Kinneret on, but she didn't swallow, indicating that she didn't get any milk. The consultant told me to get a pump and pump 6-8 times a day to bring in a supply.

I tried with no success. Two nights later, I got Kinneret on, got a latch, heard a swallow, and then Kinneret started screaming so I gave her a bottle. When I got up, I saw that I was sitting in a puddle of blood. The bleeding got so bad that I went to the ER that night, and my mom and I spent the whole night there so that the doctors could stop the hemorrhage.

When I tried to nurse again, there was nothing.

Since then, I've been working with a lactation consultant, and pumping to increase the supply, but the most I've pumped in a single session is 20ml. Just for reference, Kinneret generally eats 120-160 ml of milk at a feeding. I'm still working at it, but it's just not going great.

Usually her first feeding in the morning starts with some time on me, but then she'll eat a whole feeding from a bottle after that... so go figure.

Anyway, my point is, I'm sick of people telling me all sorts of stuff about breastfeeding, because I'm sure it's wonderful if you have a body that cooperates and doesn't try to bleed itself to death and all that, but when the body just won't do the job, the whole thing is so depressing.

I comfort myself with the fact that my four older siblings were all bottle-fed back when formula wasn't nearly as well formulated and they're all doing fine. I also comfort myself with the fact that Kinneret is eating some breast milk each day.

And, when I need additional comfort, I think about the people who stick their nose in my business, and I imagine smashing my fist right into their obtrusive nose.

Ahhhh... that's better.

The News

It's been slow going in the blogging arena. Kinneret keeps us on our toes, and there's loads to do. Kelli from Land of Milk and Honey has officially been adopted as my new little sister. She and her husband are here in Israel, comfortably moved into their new home in Modiin. My mom and I have been doing our best to help them get things organized.

It's hard work setting up a house. I've never done it from scratch myself, but I've come close. They literally had nothing, though - no oven, no microwave, no washer/dryer, fridge, nuttin'. So we helped Kelli get a whole mess of price quotes for appliances online. Then we took her to the appliance shop and got them to make us a package of all the nice appliances for about the cost of the quotes we'd collected.

Next, I've been helping them get their cable internet set up. It's not working yet :(

So that's been keeping me busy.

Last week, on Wednesday, my mom, Jeremy, Kelli, and I took Kinneret to a Modiin Miracles baseball game. Sadly the game was called in the bottom of the 7th inning because of darkness. I think the Bet Shemesh Blue Sox were up by 1 run, but the Miracles were going to win!!! (the games are only 7 innings, and the half inning was the Miracles at bat.)

The big news for this week is the Kinneret smiles! She's not doing it consistently or anything, but she does smile sometimes!

The other big news is that my mom is going to China. Despite the lack of interest from my blog-readers, the trip is going, and my mom is taking my 13-year-old niece. I couldn't be happier for her! (Actually, I would be happier for her if I were a bit less jealous. Come on, CHINA?! I want to go to China!!!! But really, I'm very happy for her, especially because she's going to sneak me into her luggage...)

Having kids really does cramp one's style. I wish we could just go someplace exotic and fun, but Kinneret is too young to travel... oh well. Maybe next year.

t.c.

The Brady Bunch - Juggler Edition

Last Sunday, my juggler friend Scott got married!
To those who haven't been following my whole story, let me recap.
Scott and I once went out on a date. The next day, he left me an email saying that it was nice meeting me, and he thought I would do well to meet his friend Yaakov.
About 4 months later, Yaakov and I stood under the Chuppah, and Scott juggled for us.

On Sunday, Yaakov was able to return the favor, juggling for Scott and his new wife.

Kinneret and I were not up for juggling, but we did do a little dancing.

Mazal Tov to Scott and Natasha and their kids!

China!

I've been asked to post this important info about an amazing opportunity to go to China:
When: Monday, August 20th - Wednesday August 29th.
Where: Beijing, China
Food: All food is kosher and prepared fresh every day.
Shabbat: Observance of Shabbat is made easy and comfortable by the experienced guides. There are tfillot, kiddush, and challahs as well as three traditional meals.
Why should you take this trip?

What you'll see:

• The Summer Palace
• The Temple of Heaven
• An Acrobatics show
• The Cloissone Factory
• The Great Wall of China
• The Ming Tombs
• A Foot Massage
• A Kung Fu Show
• The Lama Temple (Tibetan)
• The Central Zoo (with Pandas)
• Tienanmen Square
• The Forbidden City
• The Pearl Market
• And LOADS of Shopping!
• (Plus some extras along the way)

What you'll pay: $1450 per person, Single supplement $295
What's included: Flight, hotel, and all meals.
What's not included:

• Travel and baggage insurance
• Optional shows
• Visas
• Tips for local service personnel ($60)
• Tips for Israeli guide ($2 per day per person suggested)
• Fuel and other similar surcharges

This trip leaves from Israel. If you want to come from someplace else, the price without airfare is just $750 per person!!!!

Who do you call? Rona Michelson at +972-8-970-7684, or 08-972-7684 if you're in Israel.
When do you call? Anytime that isn't Shabbat in Israel.

Don't miss out! This may be the cheapest trip EVER to China. With the Beijing Olympics coming up, this deal will probably never be repeated!

8 Things About Me

I was actually tagged (at least) twice for this meme, but you know, I had a baby and all...
so here goes:
"Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog."

1. I never know what to answer when people ask where I'm from, because I'm an army brat. The question kind of makes me uncomfortable in general. I claim to be from New Jersey, because I went to high school there, even though I lived in NY at the time.

2. I'm obsessed with food. I think about sushi, hamburgers, steak, etc all the time. My first year of college, I ate shawarma almost every day. I've always been obsessed with food. I once cried because my brother had hamburgers without me.

3. I love colored pens, markers, crayons, fancy paper, beads, any art supplies. Unfortunately, I have no artistic talent. I frequently throw out my doodles so that no one will see how bad they are.

4. When I was little, I absolutely adored my sister. She left home for college when I was 7. For years, every item I had that had been hers was "holy" to me, and every time I heard a song that I associated with her, I would burst into tears. When I was in second or third grade, I started crying at a school assembly where we were listening to some singer and he sang something by Billy Joel. (I still adore her, and I live less than a block away from her, but I've gained a bit of perspective.)

5. When I listen to myself, I realize I often sound like an opinionated know-it-all. I hate that about myself. Sometimes I don't know how to stop it, though.

6. Even though I grew up in the US, the last time I visited, I felt like the only thing about me that wasn't foreign was my accent. I had absolutely no sense of coming home or coming back, even when I was in places I'd been before.

7. I'm pretty good at Texas Hold'em poker, and I once played online for money and made about $25 in a very short time. I was playing on an account owned by the company I worked for, so I didn't get to keep the money. I'm not as good at other types of poker, and I'm downright awful at backgammon, even though I wrote many sites about backgammon. (and yes, backgammon is more skill than luck)

8. Since I named my daughter Kinneret, several people have told me about relatives of theirs named Kinneret. It's always the same person - Kinneret Meyer who teaches in the English Literature department at Bar Ilan. I never took a course with her, though, because she teaches more classical literature, and I prefer more modern stuff.

Tagging: There's no one left to tag. Everyone I know has been tagged, except DrSavta.

Announcing....

Announcing Kinneret Esther Goodman!

Kinneret is the Hebrew name for the Sea of Galilee. The Kinneret is the primary source of fresh water for Israel, and is a sign of life and vitality.

Many songs have been written about the Kinneret. Here are two:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzdbZyt2Iwo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKZJfK4O1XA

Esther is the name of Yaakov's grandmother, Z"L, who passed away several years ago. She was a loving, caring woman who was an important part of Yaakov's upbringing.

Growing!

Yesterday, we took the princess to Tipat Halav. Tipat Halav is where they monitor a baby's growth, give advice on baby care, and give all the important vaccines.

Baby measured 51cm (20 inches), and weighed 3.65 kilograms (just over 8lbs), up from her original weight of 3.612 kg, and way up from her hospital release weight of 3.5 kg.

Today, when we went to give her a bath, we discovered that her umbilical cord had come off! She's growing so nicely!

More Pictures.

Click the title of this email to look at the baby's first album.

Other than that, there's not much to tell. Monday night, I had to go back to the hospital, but I'm doing better now. We've pretty much settled on a name for our daughter. We will announce it at shul on Shabbat, and then hopefully post it here shortly thereafter.

She's very sweet, but we're not getting a lot of sleep.

That's about it for now.
t.c.

About Something Other than the Princess

I found this over at Ser and Ez. It was too important and fascinating to pass up.
It's a piece about the Arab-Israeli conflict.
If you're a leftist, feel free to keep your comments to yourself, or at least post them on Ezzie's and not here, because they'll probably tick me off.